Fear< - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - >Faith

Maybe the title hints at the struggle in my mind this morning. A few days ago I mentioned our devotional reading in indeed, reflecting on God's command to "Fear not" and the implication that fear is the opposite of faith and therefore an insult to God. Now it's time to resolutely walk that spectrum over to the faith end and STAY there.

The CA 125 report doesn't look good. It's 290, up 68 points since November 27. The oncologist wants another test run the day before the next kemo is scheduled on January 3. He was willing to give Doxil more time as long as the trajectory was leveling off, but it's not. Two prayer requests: (1) that God, by His power, will drive the cancer antigens out of my system; and (2) that God, by His wisdom, will guide us and the doctor regarding future treatment. Two big praises: (1) God is absolutely good and unlimited in his ability to save and help; and (2) I continue to feel very well. I can't stop there. (3) We have the loving support of the most wonderful circle of friends, family, and prayer partners anyone could ever wish for. Yesterday we were commenting that if prayer were a mathematical formula, that is, if X amount of prayer equalled Y amount of healing, I would be perfectly well by now. I know that every one of your prayers is being answered already in my wellbeing and in the daily gifts of grace we receive. I'm sure you're as frustrated as we are about the CA 125 numbers, and I appreciate your sticking with us into the next phase whatever it is.

Christmas cards continue to arrive containing the most amazing words of comfort and encouragement and love. Treasures! One friend passed along a prayer written by the Rev. Charles Simeon, Cambridge, 1759, which she prays regularly. "What is before us we know not, whether we shall live or die; but this we know, that all things are ordered and sure, everything is ordered with unnerring wisdom and unbounded love by thee, our God, who is love. Grant us in all things to see thy hand through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." To that I say Amen too.

We leave for Indiana tomorrow morning. Tonight we'll enjoy our office Christmas party. I hope several people will choose to dance as we sing the new Celtic-type carol I'm going to teach them. It runs through my head a lot. "Come shed your heavy load and dance your worries all away, for Christ the Lord was born in Bethlehem. He came to break the power of sin and turn your night to day, Oh take my hand and come and join the song."

Thanks so much for your love and prayers.

Carol