Reflections

When I look in the mirror, I recognize myself. But I do NOT recognize the person who lives inside that skin! No energy, no creativity, no vision. Yesterday afternoon I went out to rescue the ripening tomatoes from the mockingbirds, and had to sit down to rest as soon as I got back inside. Jeremy came home to change his clothes at about 5:00, and I jumped up to greet him, only to say, "Hey, come in and sit on my bed so we can talk; I have to lie down." I know there's a new magazine needing to be written, but my brain keeps stalling. Chemo is an outrage. And this new drug combination hits harder than the original did. I'm now on a bi-weekly schedule, and if it wipes me out for a whole week, does that mean it's robbing me of 50% of my life? These are the musings of the spoiled brat who lives inside my skin.

But then sanity takes over. Even at my lowest, I'm still breathing. I can still see the beautiful flowers and hear the fountain and the birds. Food tastes good, although it doesn't settle very well. I can appreciate the sweet encouragement of Chuck and Jeremy as well as friends who write or call. I can listen to music, or sing it in my head. I can read a little. Best of all, I can talk to God and He can talk to me. So yes, even the days when chemo does its worst are still filled with life.

Surely God's instruction for these days is, "Be still, and know that I am God." A B Simpson wrote, "Just as dew never falls on a stormy night, the dew of His grace never covers a restless soul."

My prayer request is that for the days when my body must be still, my soul will also be still. And we continue to pray that God will eradicate the cancer cells wherever they may be hiding. Thanks for praying.

Love,
Carol