Home Again

It was a long day of travel, but we all arrived in good health and good spirits. I'm pretty impressed with what good travelers our grandchildren are. I hope this week will be tons of fun for them.

My cousin is recovering well from last week's surgery, and thought he'd go home from the hospital either yesterday or today. He's still planning to escort his bride-daughter down the aisle this coming Friday.

Eugene Peterson, in The Jesus Way, warns that it's easy to deceive ourselves about faith. God wants to give himself to us on his own terms, but we "are far too full of self-interest and self-deceit. We are too devious in devising ways of cooking the books to document the evidence that serves our illusions. . . . Christianity is a perpetual breeding ground for violence, abuse, superstition, war, discrimination, tyranny, and pride." Well! That's humbling. So our faith needs to be tested, as was Abraham's, and as was the faith of all those who "finished well"--both in the Bible and in history since.

He says it's only in testing that we discover whether we choose the way of awe and worship, or if we're simply trying to reduce God to a sort of idol designed for our satisfaction. Someone at our beck and call, whom we can manipulate into doing what we demand. The test will tell us. "Untested faith does not yet qualify as faith. Untested faith, having the appearance of faith, the feeling of faith, the language of faith, may be only wishful thinking, or an adolescent illusion, erotic dreaming, satanic delusion, a cultural cliche, a cover for self-sovereignty--whatever. . . . The test is the catalyst in which our response to God, the raw material of faith, is formed into a life of faith. Or not." In the end, we're glad for the test, because by it we learn the truth about ourselves.

I can think of many times in my long life when I was entrusted with a test of my faith and I flunked the test, choosing instead the easy way or the self-gratifying way. I'm in good company there--think of Abraham, David, and even Moses at times. Real faith takes time to grow. Tests help. I surely don't want testing to dissolve what I was calling faith into "romanticized sludge or pietistic ooze," to use Peterson's words.

A test of another kind happens this morning, a blood test for CA 125. It will reveal the truth of my cancer at the moment, whether it's progressing or regressing. My response to the report tomorrow morning will reveal truth about my faith, whether I'm responding to God on his terms or wanting to use him as an idol to meet my wishes. (He is good and right--all the time.)

Blessings,
Carol