Feeling scared

Yesterday a friend who teaches children in Nigeria sent an email, and in it she asked what I'm feeling. Her question was so welcome! (In my whole long life, very few people have asked that.) So here, for the whole world to see, is my answer: I'm feeling scared. Not of the ultimate outcome, which is a sure and wonderful thing through Christ. But of the weeks and months ahead, and the likely deterioration of health and all that brings. Sorry to lay that on you. I know God's promises, and I will hold on to them, and I know He'll be faithful. Please don't be afraid to ask me what I'm feeling, as long as you don't mind honest answers. I will be okay.

For now, there will be no chemo next Tuesday. Funny. I've become so accustomed to organizing my life and calendar around chemo treatments and the days required to recover from them. I know there are things I said I couldn't do later next week because of chemo, and now I'm not going to get it. We will see the oncologist Tuesday morning anyway, and he may have a drug trial to recommend. Otherwise, for as long as I continue to feel well, I'll make it my goal to live fully each day. That's a good goal for when I don't feel well, too, come to think of it.

Love,
Carol