What kind of news is this?
At first glance, it surely seems like bad news. The CA 125 has risen 72%--up to 1,826. I'm waiting for a call back from the doctor, and I'm guessing he'll decide not to proceed with Cisplatin since it has obviously stopped working in my case. It's confusing, because I did all that research and felt confident that I'd come up with some good strategies to cope with it better next time. And the metabolic panel shows that there's still no organ damage happening, despite the strong toxins.
How do we (this is at least as hard for Chuck as it is for me) feel about it? Enormously sad. At the moment, I'm not very interested in platitudes. But this I KNOW: whatever the progression or regression of my cancer, God does not change. I recognize a pattern, that when I don't know what to think or say, a hymn comes to the rescue. These are some lines from "God Moves in a Mysterious Way" by William Cowper.
You fearful saints, fresh courage take;
the clouds you so much dread
are big with mercy, and shall break
in blessings on your head.
Blind unbelief is sure to err,
and scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
and He will make it plain.
'nuf said!
Carol
posted by Carol Wilson @ 9:04 AM
3 Comments:
"God is His own interpreter,
and He will make it plain."
I love the depth of that hymn ("God Moves in a Mysterious Way" by William Cowper) and it is a profound truth that God is his own interpreter -- all the efforts to explain God's role and God's ways in the face of terrible news, are in vain because his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. His perspective is cosmos-wide and eternal-long, our is not.
That said, I do not believe the last line of the hymn is necessarily true. We have no promise that he will make it plain. He offers no assurance that he will soon clarify the mystery of our pain and suffering and loss.
What he does guarantee -- and make plain -- is his love. The mystery of suffering and pain and loss is no greater than the mystery of love, and that latter mystery is plainly disclosed.
Whatever God does not make plain he surrounds in love, love that is both immediate-now and eternal-forever.
Suffering and pain and loss are real, and hard, and incredibly difficult to understand. Why God would love me is also incredibly hard to understand. The difference is that suffering and pain and loss will someday fade away, his love never will.
The mystery that lasts is the one that is made plain.
Well, yes, Tom, except that the last line really is true. It just doesn't say when He will make it plain. I think everything will make sense in eternity--but, of course, by that time the ups and downs of the cancer journey won't matter any more.
I fully agree that the greatest mystery of all is His love.
Carol
God has already made one thing plain - that you and Chuck are the Godly images of courage. For so many of us your struggle inspires and motivates while your constant focus on God and His grace fills our hearts with hope and joy. You are our Angels here amongst us.
Post a Comment
<< Home