Surrender

"Your will, Lord. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else." How many times have I prayed that prayer? I was awake in the night, feeling still the evening's sadness over being so tired. Sadness bordering on self-pity. I know it's silly; many of you deal with tiredness all the time. Anyway, once I told the Lord (and reminded myself) that I will gladly accept His will, whatever it is, peace returned and I slept well until morning. Last evening I had to run an errand after work, and driving home I thought, "I'll be glad to get home awake. I don't think I have energy either to cook dinner or to go out to eat." But of course I did cook and eat and clean up. And felt sad, until I surrendered several hours later. (I'm sure the low hemoglobin is causing the fatigue and the "poundy head" which wakes me up at night. I'm praying that the doctor will order an injection of aranesp when I see him next on March 27. A year ago when kemo was causing anemia, that shot was helpful--if slow.)

People like to complain that God seems so stern in the Old Testament. It's true; that aspect is there. But as I read it, I see also His tenderness. Deuteronomy 11:22 says, "Show love to the Lord by walking in His ways and clinging to Him." "Clinging" sounds like the behavior of a much-loved and secure child who knows his place of safety in the arms of a tender, strong, and caring parent. That's God! I'm glad He wants me to cling to Him.

Blessings,
Carol