The cloud

I've had a lot of questions over the past week, largely of the what's-going-on-here variety. It seems as though I should have bounced back by now. Yesterday morning I got myself ready for work, but decided to stay home a few hours to unpack, do a little cleaning, and make some urgent phone calls. Chuck came home to join me for lunch, and by the time that was finished, I felt I needed to rest awhile. I never did come up out of that deep dark hole all afternoon. It was like brain and body were both functioning at about half capacity.

Early this morning I was lying in bed and asking similar questions when suddenly a quote (I think from the Psalms) flashed into my mind to the effect that God comes in a cloud. Oh! I thought, I've been trying to run away from this cloud and get back into the light. If I'd been sure God was approaching me from within the cloud, I'd have walked toward it. That thought changed everything. I'm sorry I missed some sweet opportunities to "see" Him during the past dark days, but I don't doubt His patience and mercy. Yesterday morning I read a puzzling account in Exodus. The Message says it like this: "Then they climbed the mountain--Moses and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel--and saw the God of Israel. He was standing on a pavement of something like sapphires--pure, clear sky-blue. He didn't hurt these leaders of the Israelites. They saw God; and they ate and drank." Is that not one of the most startling events in all of history? Then a cloud covered the mountain and the glory of God settled over Mount Sinai. Moses walked into the cloud and spent 40 days there with God. In my weakness, I still want to walk (or crawl) into the cloud and look for God there.

(I hesitate to tell about Bible reading, because yesterday was the first time in several days that I even opened the Book. I don't want to pretend to be a spiritual hero. It's not that there's anything magical about Bible reading. As a general rule, though, I find that I have more truth to live by when I read it than when I don't.)

And now that I'm up, I find that I'm feeling stronger. Because of urgent deadlines, I must go to the office today no matter how I'm feeling, but I probably don't have to stay all day unless I'm okay.

A couple of reports: our Nassau friend who had lung cancer just received another all-clear from his doctors in Houston. My "cancer buddy" (also lung) in the Sunday school class has begun chemo treatments again to treat growths in a couple of lymph nodes. Our Liberian friend has not yet been called to receive a heart. And one of our Sunday school friends who received a kidney transplant last year has learned that he has prostate cancer. Now that's heavy and dark! We pray for them.

Love,
Carol