Last night I cried
Last night I cried. My daughters and my friends know I don't cry. I think no one has seen me cry in more than 25 years. But last night I cried. And Chuck did too. No, we haven't stopped trusting God, and no we haven't given up hope. But last night we cried.
We saw the oncologist yesterday, and the news is not good. We took with us the report on the CA 125 tumor marker blood test, which again has gone up. In the unguarded first blink when the doctor heard the number, I detected extreme disappointment in his expression—before he recomposed his face into his usual optimistic demeanor. He says that the consecutive rise in numbers indicates that the chemo protocol is no longer working. (That is, it has already killed all the cancer cells it can kill, and the resistant cancer cells are reviving.) So he’s switching to two different drugs (by I-V) starting next Monday. He freely acknowledged that there have been no breakthroughs for ovarian cancer. He also approved the cocktail of supplements that I’m taking, saying, “You’re doing so well, something must be helping.” This leaves us where we’ve always been—safe in God’s hands. It also creates a test case for the supplements. God can use them to strengthen my immune system and bless my good cells to make them more able to search and destroy the cancer cells as the human body was designed to function. Best of all, it creates a larger stage on which God can act. We want Him to get the glory and praise He deserves, whatever He decides is best for all of us.
But still, the rising numbers frighten us, and last night we cried. I think you can figure out how to pray for us.
I reread a stack of cards last evening. One contained these promises, with which I need to close this message:
God gives you everything you need. 2 Corinthians 9:8
He carries you in His arms. Isaiah 40:11
He defends you and protects you. Psalm 12:5
He has a good plan for your life. Romans 8:28
He guides your steps toward peace. Luke 1:79
He blesses you with good things. Psalm 103:5
Amen!
Gratefully,
Carol...for Chuck too
posted by Carol Wilson @ 6:29 AM
3 Comments:
Precious Carol and Chuck,
My heart cries with you too. Yet my heart is filled with a strong conviction that Papa Himself is ordering your days, that He Himself is in fact your Healer and Deliverer.
I am praying His peace to flood both you and Chuck as you walk through the next days. I desperately desire you to be healed now on this side of heaven. Yet I know in God's economy that our entire life span is only a blink......
So I pray, absolutely sure He has already (in the heavenlies) healed you, and that He will reveal that healing either on earth or in heaven.
I once read in a book that all healings on earth, even resurrection from the dead (as was Lazarus raised) are always temporary; that the perfect healing is to be personally transported to heaven by Jesus in fulfillment of His promise to do just that when He has our "place" prepared for us.
I love you so very much, my friend. Once again I thank you for the many years you so faithfully lifted me from the miry earth to the very portals of heaven when you led worship at WW of Kalamazoo.
Robin Howard
Jesus wept, too, - just before He raised Lazarus from the dead to show us that He is the Resurrection. Life is in Him.
I thank you Carol for letting Christ Jesus show Himself strong through you. Your tears do not diminish that.
Touched by love, Janet
Carol, I've been following your journey on here and I am feeling these battles with you. I'm so glad that you're safe in God's hands.
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