Setting the Record Straight

When someone has a serious disease, it's easy to overlook her faults and overstate her virtues. Sometimes I get the impression that this is happening on my behalf. So this morning I want to set the record straight. I am not a good person. Truly, I am not. I am forgiven, Yes! By God through Christ first of all, and also by you--most of whom I have offended at some time and in some way. But just because I'm walking through the "valley of the shadow of cancer," and just because I'm writing here the good words of encouragement that keep me going, I have not become heroic or saintly. Self-centeredness, a critical spirit, and an unguarded tongue--these only begin to list my faults. Whatever good anyone sees is the goodness of God, and whatever faith I'm able to exercise is purely a gift from Him. There. That's the truth.

The anemia must be improving; at least my energy is increasing. The burning, itching lesion on my toe has not spread, so whatever it is, it's probably not an effect of this new chemo. Nasty germs are everywhere these days, and I'm still feeling well. God is answering our prayers. I'm so grateful.

Awhile ago I asked prayer for an SIM friend who, like my "cancer buddy," was battling blood clots in his lungs. Yesterday I learned that they are now suspecting cancer and are trying to find it. I'm praying that they'll find the cause and that it won't be cancer.

I'd like to share a beautiful prayer from a collection titled The Valley of Vision, a Collection of Puritan Prayers. (I'm changing "thee" to "you," since I understand it better that way.)

It is fitting that You should not regard me,
for I am vile and selfish;
Yet I seek You,
And when I find You there is no wrath
to devour me,
but only sweet love.
You stand as a rock between the scorching sun and my soul,
And I live under the cool lee-side...
When my mind acts without You
it spins nothing but deceit and delusions;
When my affections act without You
Nothing is seen but dead works.
O, how I need You to abide in me,
For I have no natural eyes to see You,
But I live by faith in One whose face to me
is brighter than a thousand suns!

May His face shine on you today.

Love,
Carol