Alive? Really?

Alive? Really?

What a wonderful feelig!To wake up and want to stay awake for awhile. I could never have understood this level of fatigue if I hadn't experienced it myself over these past few weeks.

By the time I finish publishing this blog, I realize already that I'll be searching for my bed again. So I intend to fully enjoy these few minutes with you.

Such good news!Just before midnight I crept out of my hospital bed and crawled into Chuck's bed, where a back-elevating wedge had been placed by Hospice. (The elevation is required by the presence of fluid in my bronchial cavity.) Not only did I sleep sweetly the rest of the night, but so did Chuck, a total of 7 hours for him. He asked me to tell you that good answer to your prayers for him.

I'm filled with fondness for all of you, and surrounded by reminders of your care, love, and prayers. Sooner or later I intend to respond to you personally, as I'm able. In the meantime, I'm encouraged by your notes and e-mails,your short visits, the lovely flowers.

Now some thoughts about the wedding of Justin and Laura on June 21. Being there has grown to a very high value in my mind. My friends, doctors, and nurses agree. But the whole project is arranging itself into three crucial bundled in my mind, and I'd be grateful if you'd help me pray it into reality.

Bundle one: Over the next 5 days I need to gain enough energy to plan and pack for the 12-hour car journey. Yes, we listened carefully to the concerns of those who felt we should fly. After considering the current state of air travel, and the special phyical needs I'm facing, we've all concluded driving is better. Sue and Karin will both be here to travel with us. Karin and Lisa will be here in the meantime to help us prepare. I don't want to panic, but rather to move serenely through these days with clear understanding of what needs to be done and how to do it in peace. (I bought my dresses for the wedding events some time ago, not realizing all the "pipes" they were going to add to my body in the meantime. HOpe they won't be too obvious. Prayer bundle one is for insight to prepare effectively, and that my body will strengthen as it needs to.

Bundle two: The five or six days that we'll be deeply immersed in family events surrounding the wedding. I realy want to be there, and they realy want me there, but I surely don't want to create crisis conditions at a time that should be so filled with joy. I'll want to help. I'll need to rest. When I'm tired and confused, It's so easy to say things that leave a bad taste. They've asked Chuck and me to each read a section of the Bible that seems to us to be especially relevant to marriage. I'm excited about the privilege, and I'm praying for enough decibels to be heard.

Bundle three:The whole process of returning home and settling into the next phase of life. There's no way to predict how long that will be, but I've had a lifelong goal of "finishing well," and whatever that means for me, I want to do it. Lots of issues will go into the decision as to whether we settle for a time back here in Charlotte, where we're surrounded by precious friends and supportive networks, or back in Indiana/Michigan where we're so much closer to immediate family, as well as many friends. Bundle three is filled with details after the wedding. Merely typing this has made me realize how slowly my mind works these days. Please help us to think humbly and clearly.

I love you all so much.
Carol