Please pray

Day Five (of chemo) has struck in full fury--despite all those liters of infused fluids, all my positive thinking, drinking 64 ounces of liquid per day, and taking all the recommended medicines. Total intestinal blockage. About noon today my esophagus refused to accept another drop. I called the doctor, and he said to give it a rest and call tomorrow if there's no improvement. (I'm still trying to sip clear liquids VERY slowly, but that's all.) I have experienced the power of your prayers in the past, so now I'm writing with the hope that some late readers will find this and offer up prayers. Thank you very much.
Carol

A new day

I found the following, unsigned, on an advertising calendar. I thought it was a good thought for today.

"This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good. What I do today is important, because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it. I want it to be gain, not evil; success, not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I paid for it."

Now, I'm not saying I must do something heroic today. Some days the best any of us can do is to rest. But we can do so with a grateful heart. Cicero said, "Gratitude is not only the greatet of virtues, but the parent of all others." I do feel stronger today, and I'm looking forward to the day. I'm so thankful for good doctors and nurses, and for Chuck who has faithfully tone with me to every single appointment all these months! I'm thankful, also, for the dear folks I was able to connect with by phone, and also for those whose lines were busy. Thanks to everyone for praying for us.

Love,
Carol

Happiness

"Happiness," said Robert Frost, "makes up in height what it lacks in length."

I've been thinking about that. The happiness of last week's family reunion extended its brightness ahead of time in anticipation, and afterward in warm memories. Yesterday, while largely spent sleeping, still had its heights of happiness: a pleasant dinner hour with Chuck, encouraging phone conversations with dear daughters and friends. The heights of happiness spilled over into the lengths of the day. And best of all, there's the happiness of Jesus' constant presence. And that gets me thinking about future happiness in heaven, where the length is equal to the height. My mind simply can't grasp the scope of that thought. But I find it comforting and exciting, nevertheless.

We won't get to Sunday school today after all; the nurse needs us to show up at the hospital at 8:00. I do think these infusions of fluids are helping me recover from the chemo, so I guess that's our choice for today. Apparently, it's impossible to keep up with the dehydrating effects of cisplatin even with heroic drinking of fluids.

I hope your Sunday is wonderful. I'm so thankful for your prayers.

Love,
Carol

I think it's working

I feel better this morning than I felt on day three with previous treatments of cisplatin. Maybe I was getting dehydrated despite my efforts to drink a lot, and now the infusion of fluids made a difference. We're going to outpatient at the hospital in an hour for another infusion this morning, and possibly again tomorrow also.

It's not likely that I'll be strong enough to go to Sunday school tomorrow, but I'd surely love to. The letter from the teacher asks us to search our memory for three things: a geographic spot that represents a turning point in our spiritual life, a book that became a major milestone, and a Bible verse that became "an altar, an anvil, or an anchor." I'll bet this will be a wonderful lesson, and I'd love to hear it.

Grandson Gavin picked up a cold last week which has turned into at least bronchitis and possibly bronchial pneumonia; the doctor kept saying, "This is one very sick young man." He's on a good medical regimen, and we pray he'll recover quickly. Chuck has also developed a bad cough, and we pray his won't go so bad.

I was intrigued by Eugene Peterson's paraphrase in Galatians 5. "It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out--in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?"

I hope your weekend is wonderful.

Carol

Still Resting

Carol is still resting after having chemo #51 yesterday. Later this morning, and again Saturday and Sunday, we will go in for an infusion of additional fluids which hopefully will reduce the after-effects that she previously experienced from this nasty Cisplatin. It is a nasty one for her, but we are so thankful that it is also proving to be effective on the cancer.

I awoke early this morning and had a few hours before getting up to quietly pray and reflect upon God’ goodness to us. A major focus of my reflection centered around the special time that we enjoyed with our family this past week.

We had a wonderful time with the family over the Easter weekend. A few weeks ago while attending a conference in Florida we enjoyed a session with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, after which we were given his book, One Minute After You Die. After reading it, Carol and I were impressed by the simple but effective way he presented those exciting last/first moments of life. So much so, that we gave a book to each of our children and grandchildren. We also took some time to discuss some thoughts about funeral arrangements and what would likely work best for those left behind, at the same time providing a meaningful experience. We are reminded that death is also part of God’s plan for us, and not something to avoid talking about.

Here are a couple of thoughts from the book that come to my mind. Referring to our tendency to look back and say if only we had/they had…etc., Dr. Lutzer says “Let me encourage you to take those ‘if onlys’ and draw a circle around them. Then label the circle ‘the providence of God’…We have the word accident in our vocabulary; He does not.” Later he makes the statement; “Our death is as meticulously planned as the death of Jesus…To those who walk with faith in God’s providence, they die according to God’s timetable.” We trust that this little book will help to answer many questions that may be asked when saying good by to a loved one or looking ahead to our own “arrival”…After all, heaven is the Christian’s final destination.

Thank you Father, that as we are obedient to you, our lives will follow your meticulously planned timetable. May we continue to glorify you as we share the remaining miles of this journey called life with our dear friends and family.

Our love to you all,

Chuck…and Carol too

Down 12%

The CA 125 is 1062, down from 1213 a month ago, a drop of 12%. Thank You, Lord! So we're heading to the doctor's office.

What's more, Chuck's foot, injured two weeks ago in his fall off the dock, is very much better.

Thanks for praying.

Love,
Carol

Dancing in the rain

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." Well, I'm sure it's about much more than that, but it's a good thought for today. No, the weather isn't rainy, but I do need to dance even on a chemo day. I'm so glad I got a one-month break; I've really been feeling well. I worked a full day yesterday at the office, then took a walk, did the laundry from our travels, and did some housework. The Lord does "give strength to His people"!

I've realized a specific prayer need. I think it's a miracle that after more than two years of the cancer repeatedly receding and then multiplying all around my abdomen, it has not invaded any organs. Could we pray that God will continue to perform this miracle of protection? And that the chemo will cause the cancer to recede again? I'll post the CA 125 report as soon as I get it this morning.

Our Liberian friends are making progress. He was re-hospitalized with infection, but he may get to go home today. He still needs a new heart. She is doing very well, and the doctors are quite certain that the mass in her throat is not malignant. It still needs to shrink. I hear she's presented a dynamic testimony of trust in God.

Yesterday I posted some photos from our family Easter gathering. Scroll on down if you'd like to see them. One final thought for this year about the Resurrection:

"No planet knows that this earth of ours
Bears, as its chief treasure, one
Forsaken grave." (Alice Meynell)

But we know! Oh, what good hope His forever life offers us!

Love,
Carol

Photos from the Easter gathering

We have more than 500 digital photos from our time together. Here are four:


Justin and Laura admiring the "empty tomb" rolls at breakfast on Easter morning. They really are empty.


The whole family (well, two dogs are missing). Under "Comments" below, I'll identify everyone; I'm putting the list there rather than clutter the posting.


Just hanging out. (Note paintings propped on shelf on far wall; budding artist Sue brought them as gifts for Karin's birthday. Yes, I'm envious. But she's already given me several.)


Great grandmother Carol and Grandmother Sue with budding artist Joshua.

Grateful

By God's kindness, we had a safe and pleasant trip home yesterday--no bad weather or traffic, no car trouble, no delays. We are grateful. And I'm glad for today: I'm feeling well, and I don't have to face chemo until tomorrow. I'll get blood drawn this morning for a CA 125 test, and then I'll go to work. If the blood test shows any encouragement at all, then I'll get another chemo infusion tomorrow morning. And we'll keep praying for the cancer to retreat.

Several months ago, a friend sent the words of an old hymn by M. Peters, and I printed her email. As I was sorting some papers, I found it again. It's wonderfully encouraging.

Through the love of God our Savior
All will be well
Free and changeless is His favor
All, all is well
Precious is the blood that healed me
Perfect is the grace that sealed me
Strong the hand stretched out to shield me
All must be well.

I expect a bright tomorrow
All will be well
Faith can sing through days of sorrow
All, all is well
On our Father's love relying
Jesus every need supplying
Or in living or in dying
All must be well.

It's been difficult to get a good online connection, so we're very behind in reading our emails; soon we'll answer those that need a response. I hope soon to get organized enough to share a couple of photographs here from our wonderful time together at the lake. Words fail to describe how blessed we were to have all the family with us, and to celebrate Christ's resurrection together. Thanks to you all who prayed for us.

Love,
Carol

The Lord is risen

The Lord is risen.
He is risen indeed.
Hallelujah.

With these greetings we met the family members as they got up this morning. After the early church service, we enjoyed a brunch together and then bit by bit seven of them left for home. Karin and Keith and family will leave later this evening, and Jeremy is going with them, since he will ride to a friend's home near Karin's law school tomorrow morning. From there, his friend and he will take the train to Chicago, where they are students at Moody Bible Institute. That leaves Sue, who leaves tomorrow, and Lisa, who leaves Tuesday--which is when we also leave. It's been delightful to be together, and we feel so blessed to have met our new great granddaughter and make friends again with Joshua, our 2-year-old great grandson. Life is so precious, and we thank God for each day.

This afternoon we had the promised discussion about possible funeral plans with our daughters, and got their blessing for the thoughts we have. We're cool with the possibility that God might give both of us many more years, but at least we'll get some options tied down anyway.

I'm feeling well, and certainly praying for a favorable CA 125 test on Wednesday.

Blessings,
Carol

Good day

Why do we call it Good Friday. It was a day of agony, but it was good for us, wasn't it?

Everyone has arrived except for Lisa, who flies in to Chicago tomorrow; Karin has agreed to pick her up. There's a winter storm warning which has called us to lots of prayers that the airport and highways will be clear tomorrow morning.

I was thinking about the Lord's supper. Every time we sit down to eat, we're getting the benefit of living plants and animals that gave up their lives to nourish us. That analogy can draw our grateful thoughts to the ultimate sacrifice Christ gave for us.

I trust this weekend will be a time of great celebration of salvation and resurrection.

Carol

Big thaw

Since this morning, the ice has vanished from large sections of the lake. The swans can now swim right up to our pier. They're so graceful, and it's fun to watch them.

Some dear friends from Michigan stopped in for a visit this afternoon, and Keith, Gavin, and Calli joined us for dinner this evening. (Karin is judging for moot court at her law school this evening.) It's been so great to be with people we love. Grandson James and his wife, with our two great grandchildren, will be here tomorrow. I'm so excited.

Keith has begun reading the Gospel of John at dinnertime. Tonight we heard chapter two. After Jesus did and said amazing things, the text says first that His disciples believed in Him, and then that the people believed in Him. Knowing that just a couple of years later, His disciples would run away in fear and the people would clamor for His death makes one question the quality of their earlier belief. At the same time, it encourages patience with our own inconsistencies. Growing in faith is a challenging process that, for many of us, has a slow start and rocky patches along the way. I'm sure God understands that too. But it really does make Him sad when we don't trust Him.

I hope these days leading up to Easter are times of spiritual renewal and growth for all of us.

Love,
Carol

Rest and more rest

We're really enjoying these restful days, and taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep, read, and take walks. Tomorrow some friends are stopping in for a short visit. And on Thursday the family begins to arrive.

Still reading the Gospel accounts of Holy Week in the life of Jesus. Again, He motivates me to echo His prayer: "Not my will, but Yours be done." How can we go wrong with that?

Even though it's still chilly, the lake ice has melted quite a bit since we arrived. I don't think we'll be out walking on it.

Blessings,
Carol

What if I don't?

I was reading Matthew's account of the final week before Jesus' death. After he rode in to Jerusalem on a donkey to the praising shouts of the crowd, He went into the temple. The religious leaders were already looking for a chance to have Him killed, but He did nothing to calm them down. First He drove out the greedy merchants from the temple property. Then, Matthew 21: 14 says, "The blind and the lame came to him, and he healed them there in the temple." This further incensed the hypocritical leaders, who didn't permit handicapped people inside the temple. I thought about those who were healed. For many, it was probably their last chance for a personal touch from Jesus. Even though it added fuel to the fires stoking for His death, He healed them anyway. I wonder if He ever asked Himself, "What will happen to me if I do this?"

That reminded me of a statement by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This isn't an accurate quote, but you get the idea: he said we should not ask what will happen to us if we do the right thing, but rather we should ask what will happen to the people in need if we fail to help them. I wonder how often fear or self-protection has caused me, like the priest and the Levite, to pass by on the other side of the road from the wounded traveler, rather than stop to help like the Good Samaritan.

We're feeling well and have enjoyed a wonderful Sunday.

The lake is still mostly frozen, but our two swans are out, either walking on the ice, flying overhead, or swimming in the open water near their nest. We have a bluebird staking his claim to the bluebird house.

Blessings,
Carol

What if I don't?

I was reading Matthew's account of the final week before Jesus' death. After he rode in to Jerusalem on a donkey to the praising shouts of the crowd, He went into the temple. The religious leaders were already looking for a chance to have Him killed, but He did nothing to calm them down. First He drove out the greedy merchants from the temple property. Then, Matthew 21: 14 says, "The blind and the lame came to him, and he healed them there in the temple." This further incensed the hypocritical leaders, who didn't permit handicapped people inside the temple. I thought about those who were healed. For many, it was probably their last chance for a personal touch from Jesus. Even though it added fuel to the fires stoking for His death, He healed them anyway. I wonder if He ever asked Himself, "What will happen to me if I do this?"

That reminded me of a statement by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This isn't an accurate quote, but you get the idea. He said we should not ask what will happen to us if we do the right thing, but rather we should ask

Safe arrival

Keith brought his laptop (with a wireless card) out to the lake, so it's a good opportunity to let you know we're here safely. Thankful for all God's blessings. I used several hours along the way to proofread the new magazine layout; it looks great and needs only a few corrections. Cheers for the Relevant Media Group!

Have a great Sunday. I'll be back when I can.

Carol

Heading out

Chuck’s foot is much better (also the rest of him). We’re so thankful, and we appreciate all the loving notes and prayers. We’ll be leaving in a few minutes for a 12-hour drive to our place in Indiana. As the week goes on, the family will be arriving gradually, until we’re a total of 16 for Saturday and Sunday. We are so blessed.

A friend sent two encouraging quotes, the first from Brother Lawrence:
“You need not cry very loud; He is nearer to us than we think.”

And Psalm 34:19 (The Living Bible)
“The good man does not escape all troubles—he has them too. But the Lord helps him in each and every one.” I know so many really good people who seem bombarded by trouble; it’s comforting to realize that the Lord helps them through it all.

Both of our Liberian friends are now home from the hospital. As grim as things looked, this is truly an answer to prayer. His need for a heart transplant continues, with all the details that attend that process.

I’m feeling really well. Our designer in Florida finished and uploaded the magazine layout for me at 4:50 pm today, after several delays. I’ll do the proofreading tomorrow as we travel, and will send corrections, if needed, by email. It looks beautiful.

As I was waking up this morning, Hebrews 7:25 came to my mind--a breath-taking and practical outcome of Easter: "Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." Thank God!

I’ll be back in touch as soon as possible.

Blessings,
Carol

Just a peak

I am amazed at how well I feel, now that the chemo effects are past. I'm so thankful.

Chuck was on his weekly early-morning run to the bakery warehouse for donated bread for the mission yesterday when he fell off the dock. His left leg was twisted under him, and he expected a bad break. But God intervened. Chuck landed against the van instead of on the pavement. A small bone on the top of his right foot may be broken, but after regular icing all day yesterday, the swelling is nearly gone. This morning, understandably, he hurts almost everywhere, but he's up and plans to keep going. We're very aware that we've experienced a miracle of God's protection.

I was encouraged by the following in a newsletter from missionaries in West Africa:
"It seems to me that our whole lifetime is like watching one minute of game footage from one video camera at one football game of one season, and slowing it down to watch it frame by frame over a long period of time. Our camera might not be looking at the central action, might in fact be observing something happening on the sidelines or in the stands, and the chances are high that during that one minute most of what is happening on the field will not be live action, but rather resetting after the last play to prepare for the next one. If we don't get to see what happened in the rest of the game and in the preceding and following games, we will probably not be able to make sense of what we saw. Our lives, from an eternal perspective, are such a tiny piece of the bigger picture, and sometimes what we are focused on is not the central action. We see only our one minute, so often we cannot possibly understnad the significance of what we are seeing, in spite of our efforts at wise-sounding running commentaries."

In other words, get over yourself and play your position to the best of your ability. The sovereign Coach sees the whole game. I like that.

Blessings,
Carol

Snake grace

A friend sent this a few weeks ago. I've thought of it often.

"At a Mental Health and Missions conference, I met a dignified, tiny, elderly lady with snow white hair who had been a missionary in India for years. She looked like someone who should have been having tea on the terrace with a linen table cloth and bone china cups. When I met her, she was teaching missions at Moody Bible Institute. One day in one of her classes, she talked about stepping outside on to the terrace of her home in India where she discovered a cobra, coiled and ready to strike. Her class gasped. Somehow this elegant little lady didn't collocate with dealing with a cobra face-to-face. One coed asked, 'What did you do? Where did you find the courage to deal with it?' The lady replied, 'God doesn't give you "snake grace" until you need it.'" Our friend closed her email with this prayer: "Heavenly Father, please give Carol and Chuck the grace they need for today. And help them be confident that you'll give them the grace they need for tomorrow, tomorrow."

Our heavenly Father always does!

The "funny head" didn't last, and yesterday was a good day.

A bizarre misunderstanding occurred at the mission on Monday. Chuck told someone on his way out that he was going to take me to the doctor. Someone else saw him sprinting to his car. He only wanted to be sure to get to the appointment on time, but they drew the conclusion that it was an emergency. The email that went out asking for prayer sounded dire indeed. A friend told me on Tuesday, "I was so afraid I'd come to work today and learn that you had died, and I hadn't had time to say a proper goodbye." The main lesson from all that was how deeply we are loved; people really do care and pray. The other lesson is "Don't assume the worst." There is no indication that I'm dying any time soon. We're leaving early Saturday for our lake house in Indiana, where you'll recall we don't have a phone line. We'll be gone until after Easter, and many days I won't be able to post a blog. We rely so much on your prayers that if a crisis occurs, you can be sure we'll find a way to let you know. Otherwise, we'll be enjoying our family--16 of us once Lisa arrives on Easter Saturday.

During this final week of Lent, I'll be reading the closing chapters of the Gospels, seeking a fresh appreciation of the deep love of Christ that drew Him--step by step, day by day--to the cross. Just because we know ahead of time how it all turns out does not minimize the great horror of His suffering, the high cost of our salvation. How loved we are!

Blessings,
Carol

Much better, as promised

I am really, truly feeling better. I didn't need a nap yesterday until about 2:00, and then it was only a normal-for-me-now afternoon nap, not an all-day deep sleep. I never did get the awful heaviness in the top of the brain, nor in the chest yesterday. I got quite a bit of work done, and I'm so thankful to have felt so well. Got the remaining test results from the doctor, and all the different chemicals that measure organ health are within the normal range. How can I say that in plain black type? Such a miracle--after all this chemo! It should be in huge bright red letters, decorated with balloons and banners. God has protected me. (This morning my head is a bit funny again, which reminds me to take nothing for granted.)

Update on our Liberian friends: the wife had surgery Monday which removed about 70% of the mass in her throat. After biopsy they'll know if further action is needed; we're certainly praying that it won't be malignant. At last report she was doing very well. The husband is back home; so now, I suppose, he's back in line for the decision of the heart transplant team.

I so appreciate your prayers, and God's goodness.

Carol

Strength

Still looking for strength beyond my own, I was happy to read Psalm 29:11 yesterday: "The Lord gives His people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace." Strength and peace--enough for each day. I'll take it!

Big answer to prayer yesterday--I got in to see the oncologist at 9:45. What's the chance of an open spot in his schedule? Then the report on blood counts showed everything within normal ranges. We must not forget what a miracle this is after so much toxicity. Two more reports are due today (to indicate the health of organs such as heart, liver, and kidneys). I pray for "normal" there too.

The doctor assured me that cisplatin--all by itself--is mean enough to account for this crushing fatigue as well as the long-lasting nausea (which is much better now). So I returned home comforted, even though no treatment was called for. The doctor explained the difference between immediate and delayed nausea, and showed me how to rearrange my anti-nausea medications for better management next time. Also, next time I'm going to get fluids infused the three days following chemo to see whether that makes a difference.

And then I came home and slept the rest of the day. I kept intending to go to work eventually, but never really came up out of the deep hole. I do hope for more waking hours today.

So grateful for your prayers,
Carol

God never quits

Yesterday's lesson was about a dysfunctional family in Genesis, specifically Jacob's--with his two wives and two concubines, not to mention his deceptive, sneaky ways. Amazingly, God had a plan for him and his family that nothing could hinder. And God never quits. That's very comforting. I mentioned to a friend yesterday that I believe God is still answering the prayers of my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother in the lives of our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. (My forebears were in the habit of praying for their known offspring each day, by name, followed by a prayer for those "yet to be born.")

Last week a couple in the mission candidate class gave a brief summary of their life story in chapel. They "apologized" that they had no dramatic account of deliverance from an abusive family or personal moral meltdown. They concluded that God does as big a miracle in shielding one from such horrors as He does in rescuing another out of them. We rejoice with all of them in the goodness of the Lord as He specifically and personally works in each person's life.

I'm thankful to feel no worse this morning. I'm going to try to get in to the doctor's office today; maybe blood tests will reveal a shortage of something that can be remedied.

Blessings,
Carol

Definitely better

It is definitely better not to whine! Yesterday was a fine day, something like a Sabbath. No pressure to get anything done. I puttered when I wanted to, or slept, or rested, or read. It was so cold and windy outside that we walked the aisles of a grocery store to get a little exercise. I feel no worse today, and we're planning to go to church.

I finished reading Beginnings, by Spencer Marsh. In connection with Day Seven of creation week, he says this:

"Some folks in Holland call the Sabbath 'God's Dke.' A helpful analogy. The dyke is a protective sea wall that holds back the surging waves and allows people to live in areas that would otherwise be utterly uninhabitable. The Sabbath is like that. Just like a dyke keeps the quiet Holland farmlands from being engulfed by the Atlantic, a day of rest can keep us from being engulfed by destructive value systems and the corrosive pressures of contemporary society. Humans are such pliable creatures. Immersed in the push-and-shove of daily living, we are in danger of being squeezed into a misshapen caricature of what God intended us to become. The Sabbath is God's opportunity to remold us into His image.

"With so many bent on reducing our world to spiritual shambles, there has to be a place where we can find refuge. A place where the priorities of living are justice and righteousness rather than self and success. A place where cooperation is valued over competition, beauty over chaos, health over indulgence, love over bigotry, and family over fame. A place where bread is better than bombs, sacrifice is better than gluttony, sharing is better than hoarding, and good news stirs more excitement than bad news. The Sabbath is such a place.

"There have been long, gray periods ofhistory when the observance of the Sabbath became a matter of pale legalism, drained of vitality, devoid of joy. During such epochs the Sabbath became little more than another dreary burden. But then whenever revival and renewal came to the people, joy returned to the Sabbath."

Need I point out that church and Sabbath are rarely synonymous? Perhaps they don't need to be.

I wish I'd read this book years ago. After reading Day Six, about animals, I would have spent much more time in zoos, marveling at the inventiveness of the Creator.

Thanks again for your personal love and prayers. How I wish I could thank you personally!

Love,
Carol

Heart to heart

I lay in bed this morning after waking up so as not to disturb Chuck, and finally had a much-needed heart to heart talk with my self. I'm done whining about being weak and tired. (I'll let you know when I'm better. And I so appreciate your prayers.)

I thought about Bible writers who said paradoxical things such as:

"When I am weak, then I am strong."
"The joy of the Lord is your strength."
"He gives me the feet of a deer and helps me walk on the high places."

Those people must have felt depleted in themselves, causing them to look up to God as their source of strength. So, self, you do the same! Okay, great idea.

We got some more rain yesterday and overnight. Every drop is a blessing.

Have a wonderful weekend.
Carol

Heart to heart

I lay in bed this morning after waking up so as not to disturb Chuck, and finally had a much-needed heart to heart talk with my self. I'm done whining about

Let there be light

Yesterday's blog talked about light replacing darkness. Our daily reading in indeed was about the same subject. Then last evening, trying to stay awake until bedtime, I picked up a book that's been lying--unread--for years on our coffee table. Titled Beginnings, by Spencer Marsh, the opening chapter is, predictably, about the creation of light. What an amazing invention by the Creator! Marsh plays with the idea that God may have taken time to play for awhile with His newly created light.

"Can you visualize it--some time before time--before earth--God alone with His light? See Him shape it first into a giant kaleidoscope in which He views the milliard sparkling colors. Then unrolling and whipping it into space, He watches the uncountable array of colors unfurling into a spectrum-ordered, endless parade.

"Rolling it up again, He hurls it out into the waiting darkness, this time allowing each individual color to create its own inimitable display. And they do. Splashing, slashing, smearing and streaking, swirling, dotting and blotching. Color shimmers and shines across the endless canvas of space.

"Again He pulls the light together and shapes it into radiant beams--prismed flashes of brilliance--elongated, shining, inexhaustible. He then flings them out at 186,000 miles per second, watching them arc and return, leaving luminous boomerang paths across the endless voids.

"Then He lets the light go. It spreads and radiates to an evenness which now makes it possible to discern its source. (As yet there is no sun.) He is the source.

"After darkness, there is light. There always will be."

I haven't thought this much about light for a long time, maybe ever.

The visit with our special friends yesterday was wonderfully encouraging. We talked and talked and talked some more. We are so blessed. Chuck took them to see the Billy Graham Library while I took a nap. My energy is certainly slow to come back. I'm thankful to have control over the nausea.

Have a blessed day.
Carol

Life creeps back

As light gently suffuses the eastern horizon at dawn, so life and hope creep back after the dark night of cisplatin chemotherapy. Yesterday afternoon I enjoyed a full 30-minute walk in the warm sunlight.

A lovely story unfolded this week. I received an email from a church leader in Australia asking for an update on a story I'd published in the SIM magazine five years ago. He had saved it all this time as a reminder to pray for the Nigerian missionaries it told about. Yusufu and Zainabu had left good government jobs to follow God's call to give the Gospel to groups in northern Nigeria who still follow traditional religions. They formed the Caravan Gospel Mission, live in simple huts, travel by donkey cart, and show the JESUS film and preach in every village they can. The story was titled "We Can't Be Intimidated," because they face so much hostility.

To continue this week's story. I gave contact information to the Australian gentleman, and my original source in Nigeria (an American missionary) immediately wrote back to say that Yusufu and Zainabu are faithfully continuing their ministry. They have seen many people put their faith in Christ, and have started several small churches. The continuing concern of the reader, the prompt and courteous response from Nigeria, and the ensuing interchange of email messages--all were big encouragements to me. To think of the enduring power of a printed story! See why I love my work?

Friends from Michigan routed their trip south through Charlotte so they could spend today with us. We're excited to see them.

Our Liberian friend turned out to have a severe blood infection, which is now clearing up well, though he's still in the hospital. We're continuing to pray he'll be approved for a heart transplant. But now his wife is in serious medical trouble. She was hospitalized for difficulty with breathing and speaking, and doctors discovered a significant mass behind her airway. Last I heard she would probably need surgery. She's in her mid-70s and still works full time. How much more must they endure? I'm grateful to you who are willing to pray for them.

Love,
Carol

Who could make such a promise?

I have a handmade throw with squares printed with favorite Bible verses and songs. I was looking at this one last night: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken," says the Lord (Isaiah 54:70). Isn't that amazing? Unshakeable love!

We got more than two inches of rain yesterday. We've been in a very serious drought, and while this doesn't yet make up the deficit, it's certainly welcome. More is predicted later this week, and we are hopeful. We're on complete outdoor water restrictions, which will make it hard to replace the plantings that died in last summer's drought (2007 was the driest year here on record). Not a matter of eternal significance, but it would be nice to have a pretty garden again.

I got the magazine files uploaded to the designer shortly after noon yesterday--relief. Then I was happy to come home and get some rest. I'm not feeling sick, just weak. And my head feels weird from time to time. (It will take courage to get back in that chemo chair on the 26th for another treatment.)

In the night I got thinking about J.S. Bach. At the end of most of his compositions, he wrote the initials, SDG (Soli deo gloria, to God alone be glory). I'd like to write that at the end of each of my days.

Thanks, as always, for your prayers.

Love,
Carol

Monday was a good day

I spoke with the nurse yesterday morning, and we both agreed that the need for medical help had passed. I ate a light breakfast at 7, and still felt good when I called her at 9. All day I had no nausea, and even worked at my office for a couple of hours, then two more hours at the desk here at home later in the day. Isn't it amazing, after such a low spot over the weekend? So I'm on target to meet my deadline for uploading the magazine files to the designer before the end of today. I'm thankful. I read a report awhile ago that chemo really does measurable damage to the brain. I believe it. I make silly mistakes, and I forget so much.

A few days ago, the reading in Streams in the Desert quoted Martin Luther's dying words. "These pains and troubles here are like the type that printers set. When we look at them, we see them backwards, and they seem to make no sense and have no meaning. But up there, when the Lord God prints out our life to come, we will find that they make splendid reading." In this digital age, printers' type has become a novelty, and the quote doesn't really apply. But I paid two years of college expenses by typesetting, and I remember it well. (Burned fingers too, as I was heat-stamping personalized book bindings with gold leaf.) Ah well, "splendid reading 'up there.'"

I appreciate all the love and prayers over the past week. Now I get three weeks off (until March 26) before chemo is scheduled again. See me smile?

Love,
Carol

It’s going to be all right!

The weekend has been difficult for Carol. As and I tucked her into bed last evening, she said “This has been the worst day ever”. With extreme fatigue, nausea and all that goes with that, she has kept her usual sweet spirit in spite of her very uncomfortable condition. She drifted off to sleep last evening listening to a CD that our dear friend Sarah sent some time ago. A wonderful collection of hymns of faith and encouragement. She did sleep well last night with no "upsets". These past few days Carol has been able to slip out of bed early in the morning to send a brief blog and then quickly returned to bed for most of the day. As soon as the doctor’s office opens this morning, we plan to get her in for necessary treatments, which I expect will involve some infusions to deal with the nausea and likely dehydration. We anticipate that she will be ready to blog tomorrow, and she is hoping to even be able to go to the office for a while.

It has been a blessing to have daughter Karin with us. She has kept herself busy cooking, cleaning and helping her old parents. Her plans were to work on some of her law school assignments while here, but I fear that she did not accomplish very much in that area. Most of her time was spent with us, which we enjoyed. Today she has to fly home because husband Keith is leaving early today on a business trip. We are grateful to him and the children for sharing her with us!

Recently I have been thinking about a passage that I read in The Daily Message. As a plot on the life of the Apostle Paul was developing, he heard the Master say to him; “It’s going to be all right. Everything is going to turn out for the best…” (Acts 23:11) At the end of that days reading, the suggestion was made for the reader to “Allow the Master to speak these words to you: ‘It’s going to be all right. Everything is going to turn out for the best.’ What difference do these words make for you today?” That certainly does change my outlook, regardless what I may face each day. Not only knowing that it will turn out for the best, but also that the Lord is always close beside us.

Lord, we continue to look to you for wisdom and strength and thank you that it’s going to be all right! It is good to be reminded that every breath comes from you, who has promised to never leave or forsake us!

In HIS hands,

Chuck...and Carol too

Turn-around day

I think today is the day I come back to life. My brain actually seems to be working, and my stomach is much better. I'd love to go to church, but a friend who works in the hospital advises against it because of so much flu in the city. Anyway, I'm not very strong yet after a diet of clear liquids. I'm so sorry to miss. Today I'm going to move on to the BRAT diet (banana, rice, applesauce, toast).

It's been so wonderful to have Karin here. We've been discussing a question her law school friend is bothered by. Does God really respond to our prayers? Or has He already made up His mind what He's going to do and that's what He will do? Maybe, she speculates, prayer is for our benefit and not for God's. Well, I'm sure that greater minds than ours have grappled with this issue. For me, the question begins to resolve itself when I define prayer as a conversation between friends rather than a shopper placing an order. I admit that in prayer we do ask for things, but I don't think that should be the dominant thing. Since God really is the only wise One, and since He's my Friend, as we talk together, He can show me what He wants to do. And then why wouldn't I ask Him to do that? Then He will do it, and will give me the joy of seeing my prayer answered. He is so committed to relationship that He even wants to give us the credit for partnering with Him in His purposes. That works for me.

Speaking of relationship, last evening Karin crawled into my bed and we just lay there and talked for a couple of hours. That will be the cherished memory of her visit here.

I continue to need prayer that the chemo won't damage any organs. I'll have tests on March 11 for that. If a problem shows up, I suppose the doctor won't want me to go spend Easter with the family. And a really big prayer need is for our Liberian friend who is waiting for a heart transplant. He's in the hospital with severe flu symptoms. His heart is so fragile that he really needs a miracle of God's care.

Have a great day.
Carol

He promised

I've been very sick and very tired--just like three weeks ago in Nassau. This chemo follows a different sequence than all the previous ones, I guess. Last night, miserable, I got the thought to "stand on God's promises." So I chose one of my favorite hymns, one laced with literal promises from God, and through the night it rang in my mind over and over.

"Fear not! I am with you; O be not dismayed,
For I am your God and will still give you aid.
I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand."

"When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be your supply.
The flame shall not hurt you; I only design
Your dross to consume and your gold to refine."

"When through the deep waters I cause you to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with you, your trials to bless,
And sanctify to you your deepest distress."

"The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to her foes.
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

Thanks for your prayers.

Love,
Carol