Family Stuff

We got to watch Gavin's eighth-grade football game this evening. He played most of the game, and his team won 30-0. Fun!

Calli was ill today and had to miss school. I'm sorry she wasn't well, but it was fun to have her around, and by afternoon she was well enough for some rousing games of dominoes.

I'm thankful to say that I'm continuing to feel very well.

Sue and her family will come for Saturday and Sunday. (She also drove down yesterday afternoon and stayed until this afternoon.)

Thanks for your continuing interest and prayers. I'm continually aware that I am not unique; everyone is dealing with disappointments and/or really scary stuff. Only God's grace provides enough light and hope for each day.

Blessings,
Carol

Resting and Reading

It's been a grey and rainy day--perfect for resting and reading. This evening we're enjoying the family in the midst of their homework busyness.

I've been feeling very well. We still don't know what the CA 125 test means for sure, but we can wait and FROG.

I have two books going. One is The White Man's Burden: Why the West's Efforts to Aid the Rest Have Done so Much Ill and so Little Good. The subtitle pretty well sums up all 384 pages. It's very sad how our Planners keep replicating aid programs that demonstrably fail. Just now I'm reading about corruption and cheating, which contribute mightily to the failure of societies to improve. William Easterly, the author, is an economist. He seems incapable of even imagining that the societies where trust and honesty are the general rule have a Judeo-Christian base. You'd be amazed by the other theories to try to explain basic goodness. (In the dim distant past, the last bully left standing in the West simply grew more honest once he had all the goodies--or something like that.)

The other book I'm reading is Eugene Peterson's Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places: A Conversation in Spiritual Theology. I love the way he helps me see the familiar with fresh eyes. Here's a sample: "A primary but often shirked task of the Christian in our society and culture is to notice, to see in detail, the sacredness of creation The marks of God's creative work are all around and in us. We live surrounded by cherubim singing Holy, Holy, Holy. It is easy to miss it. Sin-graffiti disfigures both land and people. Death is a frequent visitor. Blasphemies assault our ears. And our sin-blurred eyes and sin-dulled ears miss the glory that is right before us. But no excuses. We have a huge responsibility and an enormous privilege to live daily in such a way that we give witness to the immense and sacred gifts of time and place." I keep reading paragraphs that I simply want to share with someone.

Okay, there's something to mull over. I'll post again when I get a chance. Meanwhile, we continue to pray for you, and appreciate your prayers for us.

Blessings,
Carol

God's Plan Is Good

This morning I read this in the first chapter of Ephesians: "God's secret plan has now been revealed to us; It is a plan centered on Christ, designed long ago according to his good pleasure. And this is his plan: At the right time, he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ--everything in heaven and on earth."

So I thought, whenever that time is, whether He has me still on earth or whether He has called me home to heaven, it will still be all right, because we're all included in that perfect plan and He will bring us (and everything else) all together in Christ. Now that's a huge comfort. Verse 11 says, "...all things happen just as he decided long ago."

We have a reading on the CA 125, but it's a bit unclear. Apparently there's a new method for measuring it, and according to the new method, the score came out in the 80s. But then they added a note that by the old method it's 50.28. Nobody knows how to explain the discrepancy yet, and I hope our doctor will figure it out before next week. Meanwhile, I'm assuming that my count has dropped almost 5 points, since a month ago it was a bit above 55, and we think that was by the old method.

As I already said, and as I am committed to believe, God's plan is good--whatever. For now, we're thanking Him that it looks like we're moving in the right direction. Thanks for your prayers.

We're in Michigan at Sue's house today. First we went back to our former home town of East Lansing where we got to see six wonderful friends. Some day we need to go for several days in order to connect with everyone. Tonight we're driving back to the lake house for the rest of the week.

Thanks for your prayers.

Carol

Giving Thanks

We had a great trip and arrived in good health. The swans are still there and I'll try to send a pic tomorrow, along with my CA 125 score.

This morning we heard a wonderful message about the 10th Commandment, "Don't covet." The pastor said, among other things, that coveting shows a lack of gratitude to God for all He has given already. Yes. So a good project for today and always is to notice and give thanks for the wonders of life and all that surrounds us.

I keep a daily devotional booklet on the back of the toilets in both downstairs bathrooms at the lake house. Yesterday's reading in one of them was by David Jeremiah, saying that prayer is meant to be preventive rather than reactive. (Jesus said we should always pray and not give up.) Dr. Jeremiah said if we were praying faithfully, we'd be spared many of the crisis situations and temptations that cause us to panic and yell Help. By the way, for those whose lives are so crowded that they really can't find time to focus on God, I recommend keeping a devotional book in the bathroom. You'd be amazed how it helps your focus.

Somehow, I'll get back online tomorrow.

Blessings,
Carol

Cancer is so limited

Cancer is so limited

Cancer . . .
Cannot cripple love
Cannot shatter hope
Cannot corrode faith
Cannot eat away peace
Cannot destroy confidence
Cannot kill friendship
Cannot shut out memories
Cannot silence courage
Cannot invade the soul
Cannot reduce eternal life
Cannot quench the Spirit
Cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.

I thought I’d begin this blog with those brave words. Many of you are also dealing with cancer yourselves or in your family. So let’s celebrate the things it can not do to us.

It took only one pick Friday morning to get a blood sample. I hope for results sometime Monday, and I’ll send a new blog with a report as soon as I can.

Friday was a full day of work. That’s a victory.

We’re leaving at 5:00 this morning to drive to our lake house in Indiana. We’ll get to see most of the family, and we’re looking forward to lots of rest and reading.

Blessings,
Carol

Alive Again

No, I'm sure I wasn't anywhere near death. But coming back up out of that dark kemo-induced pit feels almost like resurrection. Which reminds me of a wonderful verse I read in the Bible a couple of days ago: "So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

This morning I woke up early and was thinking about our former pastor, Charles Page. He fought his cancer bravely for 9 1/2 years! And here I am getting tired of the battle after only 9 months. His godly example spurs me on to greater endurance.

I worked four hours at the office yesterday, and got to interview some visiting leaders for a future issue of our magazine on the topic of partnership. That was fun and productive. Today I expect to find the new layout from the designer waiting on my computer for review. Tomorrow we're driving to Indiana for a week of vacation. And in a couple of hours I'm going in for a CA 125 blood test. We'd be so thankful for a lower number. (But it's still only a number. God is in control, and He is fully reliable.)

We continue to pray for those of you whose needs we know about.

Love,
Carol . . . for Chuck too

Faithful

I told you about the beautiful hand-crafted cards my friend sends. Here's the one based on the hymn, "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," for which she tatted tiny circles for the notes. She said she's been wanting to do this ever since January, when I told about Lisa's singing all the stanzas of that hymn late at night in the hospital. Oh, I was so sick! The song encouraged me then, and it still does.

So I've been thinking about faithfulness and faith. This morning I read in Galatians 5:6, "What is important is faith expressing itself in love." Beautiful and simple, isn't it?

Jokes are still coming in. Several of them are in honor of the blonde wigs I'm wearing these days. A beautiful redhead told the doctor something was terribly wrong. Every part of her body hurt. "That's unlikely," he said. "Show me." So she pressed on her chest and screamed. She pressed on her cheek and screamed. She pressed on her knee and screamed. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No, I'm really blonde. Why?" "Well, your finger is broken."

You know, some of the smartest people I know are blondes. I was one myself as a toddler. But anyway I appreciate the chuckle.

I think I'll get to the office for awhile today. The kemo has been tough this time. We keep praying that it's as mean to the cancer as it is to me. We hope tomorrow's blood test will show that the tumor marker is down. We won't get the answer until next week, and will certainly pass it along as soon as possible.

Have a blessed day.
Carol

Remember to FROG

Chuck ordered this sweet reminder to Fully Rely On God. When it gets dark, a sensor lights up the lily pad so it does its reminding even in the night when we're up and prowling around. You know, the night is when we most need to remember to FROG.

Yesterday my main occupations were sleeping and swallowing. (In the words of humorist Brian Regan, it seemed like "everything on the inside wanted to be on the outside.") This morning it seems that particular kemo effect has passed; it is not lamented!

Monday's mail brought a book I'd ordered: Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places, by Eugene Peterson. The title comes from a sonnet by Gerard Manley Hopkins, which ends:
For Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.

Peterson describes what it means to understand life: "The vigor and spontaneity, the God-revealing Christ getting us and everything around us in on it, the playful freedom and exuberance, the total rendering of our lives as play, as worship before God. . . . I do hope to get you in on a little more of it, we who are the limbs and eyes and faces in and through whom Christ plays." The book felt too heavy to hold yesterday, even if I'd been awake enough to read, but I hope to spend some wide-awake resting time today getting into the book.

I hope your life today will be one of vigor and spontaneity, playful freedom and exuberance, totally rendered as play, as worship before God.

Blessings,
Carol

Fellowship of Suffering

I was awake a little while last night, and I thought about many of you who live with chronic pain--fibromyalgia, arthritis, relational, emotional. I appreciate the way you keep going, and I'm so grateful for your love and prayers.

As promised, I stepped out in front of that tank called "Sweet Kemo" yesterday, and as usual she mowed me down. I slept the rest of the day, and today will probably be a bed day too. My neighbor said, "But I prayed so hard that they'd find a good vein the first try (it took three) and that it wouldn't hit so hard." We did too. We need to keep on knowing that God turns it all around for our good, even when it doesn't feel good.

Someone mentioned they'd like to reply to a blog, but they didn't like the Comments procedure on this site. You can write to simwilsons@yahoo.com

Blessings,
Carol

Category Five

In the sermon we heard yesterday, the pastor likened dark times in our lives to Category 5 Hurricanes. He said he's observed four types of responses to impending hurricanes:
1. Avoiders (load everything up and head out of town)
2. Oblivious (sit on a couch reading Louis L'Amour novel and drinking tea)
3. Obsessed (keep running to WalMart for more supplies to ride out the storm)
4. Defiant (kid on a skateboard catching the wind in a plastic garbage bag)

I thought that relative to cancer, maybe I'm a 4. So far. It is not my master. I want to extract every last drop of grace that blows in on the winds of the storm. But, the pastor said, none of the four coping mechanisms is enough. What we need is a real solution--Someone strong and caring enough to provide safe refuge no matter how bad it gets.

Yes! That's why I want to keep on FROGgin'. By now you know FROG means Fully Rely On God!

Sweet kemo is at 10 this morning. Friday I'll have a blood test. Next week as soon as we get the results I'll let you know.
Love,
Carol

Come On, Hit Me

A couple of days ago I was thinking about tomorrow when I will again stand in front of a tank named "Sweet Kemo" and invite it to knock me down. It's irrational, except for the sense that God is answering your prayers and using the kemo to suppress the cancer and give me these very good days in between treatments. I think it's a metaphor for all of us who accept unpleasant disciplines for the sake of future benefits.

Then I read a letter from an SIM missionary that put a new slant on the matter. Her language helper, a student at the Bible college in Africa where she's a teacher, was just returning from a visit to his Muslim home village during school break.
"How was your break?"
"Okay. I got beaten up. But that is the normal life of an evangelist here."
"I'm sorry."
"My sister put her faith in Christ."
"That's wonderful. Did her husband also believe?"
"No, he was angry and kicked her out of the house."
I am humbled! These dear people deliberately step out in front of a tank named "Persecution" for the sake of the Lord Jesus whom they love. Sometimes the family gets tired of beating up the convert and allows him or her back into the community. Sometimes family members themselves are attracted to faith in Christ. Nevertheless, believers who choose to maintain contact with their people must be ready to suffer, even die, for their faith.

Stories like these put sweet kemo into perspective. (As I said the other day, I'm talking nice with the hope that it might treat me better.)

Last evening guests came for dinner. Each one shared a Bible verse, hymn or devotional thought that had been meaningful during the past week. They were all so encouraging! That's a neat way to get to know one another better. My heart is full of warm and wonderful memories. (It's also a good way to ensure that the house looks good during the coming days when I won't feel like doing any work.)

Blessings,
Carol

Perspective

With all the needs and burdens in the world and in your own lives, you are so dear to keep checking on and praying for me. I'm grateful.

It's a broken world we live in, for sure! Besides the big issues our media choose to tell us about, there are the "quiet" crises that also rip lives apart. In southeastern Colombia, two subversive groups are at war over the drugs being raised in the region, and the people living there are caught in the middle. Teenaged kids are kidnapped on their way to school and sent to battle. The people's cattle are stolen by the subversives, thousands of heads, so food is becoming scarce. Rural churches have been forcibly closed, and even home meetings are not allowed. Mass graves are dug daily. I didn't know about this until yesterday. Now I want to pray faithfully for those dear people who are suffering so much.

Nearby, in Ecuador, another "battle" is going on, though not so publicly. Many of the families (all poor) who have bravely helped start small home churches are being attacked personally. One had his mechanics' tools stolen--his only means of livelihood. Another was fired because he wrecked the company car when he swerved to avoid hitting a woman in the street, and he couldn't get the cash to pay for the repairs. Another owned some land where he planned to put some desperately needed social ministries for the poor of the community. But now some unscrupulous "land brokers" have "sold" plots of his land to to hundreds of squatters, and neither police nor legal protection is available to him.

I know no way to help any of these situations, except to pray. But isn't it amazing that we can pray! For these, and for the news, and for our personal cares--we can pray!

I'm feeling well and looking forward to good fellowship with friends this weekend. Then sweet kemo on Monday. (Maybe if I talk nice it'll behave better!?)

Blessings,
Carol

Great News

We were praying for our friend with the vision-threatening disease in her eye. Sometime ago a miraculous reconciliation in the family (too complicated to review) led to her access to the world expert in that disease. Yesterday we learned that healing is occurring, she has none of the bad effects that usually accompany this disease, and her doctor feels he won't need to see her again. Isn't that wonderful? Thank You, God.

This past week we've prayed a lot for the DeValves, Jeremy's future family in Niger. They flew out of JFK the day of the foiled airline bombings, so of course everything went wrong. Well, not everything. They arrived safely (about 3 days late) and the last of their luggage finally caught up with them, somewhat worse for wear. Other SIM families were on that same flight; we care about them as well. We keep praying that the rains will continue through October. Who can forget the scenes of hunger we saw on our television screens last year?

More answers to prayer:
I continue to feel well.
It seems my feet are a bit more flexible and less dysfunctional this morning.
We are almost always FROGgin' (Fully Relying On God).
The CD of magazine content that I shipped off to the designer Wednesday afternoon arrived on time yesterday. This morning we have a telephone consultation to kick off the design process.

Thanks so much for your prayers.
Love,
Carol

Slow Learner?

Last evening I was reading a bulletin from the SIM director in New Zealand, and came across a little column titled "Things I've Learned." I guess I'm a slow learner, because for some of the principles I'm still in the classroom. I'll pass along a few points, but I'm calling it "Things I'm Learning."

Things I'm Learning
I'm learning...that just one person saying "You've made my day!"
makes my day.
I'm learning...that being kind is more important than being right.
(Only God can always be both.)
I'm learning...that life is like a roll of toilet paper;
the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I'm learning...that money doesn't buy class.
I'm learning...that under everyone's hard shell is
someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I'm learning...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.
Why should I think I can?

I felt well and strong all day yesterday. The CD containing the copy for the next magazine should arrive at the designer by noon today. We are so blessed to live where systems work, things usually happen on schedule, and technology amazes. (The last couple of photos I needed arrived by e-mail one hour before I had to take the whole thing to the mail room. Close--but in plenty of time.)

It seems the neuropathy in my feet is a bit worse. I'm taking nutritional supplements to help with that, but after all, I've had 11 very large doses of kemo with more to come. Could you help us pray about my feet? The other area of concern is gut-related.

Small perfections are delightful. I noticed an example on the card on which my friend tatted notes for "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." There's a spot on the last line where the bass and tenor parts sing the same note. So she used the tenor color for the top half of the tiny circle and the bass color for the bottom half. If you look closely at a blossom or a leaf or even a blade of grass, you see the same detailed precision. Creative gifts surely come from the Creator!

Jeremy is back and again filling our home with the happy sounds of piano practice. He had a terrific visit in Michigan with his friends and family. His blog is jeremyinafrica.blogspot.com

Have a great day.

Carol

Wrapped in Arms of Love

Early yesterday morning (2:00 am) my niece was driving home from her much-delayed flight--returning to Orlando from our weekend reunion. Her car flipped and made a complete rollover, starting with the driver's side. Her window and windshield broke, of course, yet her only apparent injury was a small cut on her foot. I can't help visualizing God's loving arms reaching out to cushion her during that trauma, and I thank Him. Sometimes I forget that He's doing that all the time, for all of this children, wherever we are. Isn't He amazing? Now, of course, there are times when the traumas beat us up a lot worse than that--but the solid truth is that we're still cushioned firmly in His arms of love. By the time anything gets to us, it has already passed through His fingers and He has already begun the process of turning it to our good and His glory.

I felt so well yesterday, and was pushing a deadline, so I worked 9 1/2 hours at the office. Then I prepared dinner, did laundry, baked a cake for Jeremy who is returning today, and gave a final proofread to the magazine copy which goes to the designer today. I know all working women live like that, but maybe I need to be wiser. When I awoke at 6:00 this morning, I felt so tired! Would you believe the first thought that came to my mind? "Uh, oh, maybe the cancer is back." Ten more minutes of lying there and meditating brought me back to reality. I'm tired simply because I worked too many hours yesterday. Really, now I'm fine. (Saying the cancer is back is a figure of speech. As far as the doctor indicates, it hasn't gone away yet.)

My artistic friend in Michigan sent a sensational card this time. She tatted little circles in pastel colors and glued them over the notes on the score of "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." It is so beautiful. And a steady reminder of the ground under our feet: God's faithfulness.

Love,
Carol

Yet I Will Rejoice

About nine years ago we learned that fig trees will grow in Charlotte, so we planted a couple of them. It was tough going at first, and they'd freeze down to the ground every winter. But now they've toughened and grown tall, and we're picking a few pounds of them every day. How delicious! We eat them and share them, and we're experimenting with freezing them. They also have spiritual value as they remind us of our hearts' true home described by the prophet Habakkuk in chapter 3, verses 17-19:

"Even though the fig trees do not bud, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren, even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains."

Our generation in the West has never known literally that kind of devastation, but some of our brothers and sisters around the world experience hungry times almost every year. Those who come to know Jesus learn first hand what it means to rejoice in the Lord even when all else fails. That's the first reason why we do mission. Being there, the compassion of Christ also stirs our friends to help the local people develop sustainable means of survival. (Some of those stories are in the magazine I'm wrapping up just now.) Above all, we pray. These days we're praying that since the rains came late to Niger, God will make them continue through October in order that the people will get a grain harvest. It's only millet (bird food to us), but it's their "daily bread."

Although here we are so blessed with figs and other material provisions, stuff happens (like cancer). I want to be learning in the good times that the Lord is my strength even in the "bad" times.

A few people are asking for CA 125 scores. My next blood test for that will be August 25. We're eager too. I'll give the report here as soon as I hear the result. I'm feeling well. Did I tell you that the new kemo drug is allowing my hair to begin to grow again? (It'll be a long time before you see it!) This kemo seems kinder in that way, but still it manages to weary me worse than the first drug did.

Blessings,
Carol

Heritage

Mmmm! What delicious family fellowship we had. Saturday evening, helped by Natalie and Frances with their instruments, we sang and sang and sang. With our spouses as tolerant audience, we even sang "Trygare kan ingen vara" in Swedish. (Roughly translated, its message is that no person or creature on earth is as secure as the much-loved child of the heavenly Father. Isn't that a truth to rest in? For many of us Swedes, that song was our lullaby as small children.)

On Sunday morning we spent some time talking about our shared heritage. Several generations of true followers of Jesus have prepared the ground on which we now walk. Someone mentioned the memory of walking into the bedroom of Grandpa and Grandma Anderson and finding them on their knees, praying for each of their children and grandchildren by name. You know, whatever our weaknesses and failures, prayer is a heritage each of us can leave for future generations. Before we went to lunch, the whole group joined in prayer for me! Many of them are also dealing with serious issues in their lives as well, but as far as we know, I'm the only one with cancer. I'm so grateful for their prayers and I pray for them too.

It wasn't all serious. The golfers golfed, tourist types touristed, fun types enjoyed the Fun Planet, and card games went on for hours. We laughed a lot. Oh yes, we ate too--very well.

I wish I had more news for you about my health. No, maybe I don't. The news is that there's little to report, now that chemo week is past. For that, I thank the Lord. It will be a couple of weeks before we have a report on another CA 125 test. Even though we're very curious about that marker, we realize that it really is only a number. God alone knows what's happening at the cellular level. For us, the calling is to live by faith. And to live fully this day.

Love,
Carol

Mountain High

Here we are--bunches of loving cousins and siblings. There's been a lot of hugging, laughing and talking. What a wonderful, godly heritage we share, and we're so thankful.

I just want to let you know that I'm so grateful for all your prayers and caring. I'll be back with a blog on Monday. God is good.

Right now the daughters of my cousin are getting out their instruments (cello and guitar) so we can enjoy some music. No reunion of this family would work without that.

Love,
Carol

What God Did

It's still Friday, but since I don't know if I'll have access to internet tomorrow, I have to tell you this now. First, a bit of background. Our office e-mail server has been intruded upon by a terrible amount of spam. About half of them got trapped by Barracuda, and at least 50 a day get through to my In box. It's awful. For weeks I scanned the Barracuda quarantined list, and never ever found anything there that was for me. So then I got in the terrible habit of simply deleting the list without even looking at it.

Now back to the magazine deadline. I was so concerned about the people overseas who hadn't yet responded to my request for corrections/approval. You've guessed it, haven't you? After staff prayers this morning, I went to my e-mail and again deleted about 50 junk messages. When I came to Barracuda, my finger was just about to hit delete, when Someone stopped me. I opened it, and there I found all the messages I'd been waiting for. I have no idea why Barracuda quarantined those authentic e-mails, when it ignores so much true spam. But I have no doubt that it was God's direct intervention that kept me from deleting that list with its highly important messages.

I am truly feeling better today.

Still FROGgin'
Carol

Are You FROGgin'?

Quite a few people responded to yesterday's blog about "FROG" (Fully Rely On God) Faith. My brother suggested that "Are you FROGgin'?" would be a good slogan. I awoke at 2 this morning with a lot on my mind. Our magazine designer notified me of a wrinkle in their schedule which requires me to provide copy and images two weeks earlier than normal. Some of the overseas people whose approval I need haven't yet responded; probably they're out of office. And as always, the search for dynamic photos is a challenge. So I lay there, wide awake, mentally paging through the stories, frankly fretting. Then I remembered FROG.

So I whispered, "God, I must rely on You, because otherwise I'll fail and the whole thing will go up in flames." No peace. Of course not! That's way too negative. I tried again. "God, I rely on You because I can-- because You are totally reliable. This is Your work and I'm turning it over to You." Then I fell asleep.

Part of my anxiety was due to the effects of chemo lingering through yesterday; I was better, but not yet right. What does that imply for the future? On that matter, too, I choose to FROG.

This afternoon we're going to Asheville for a weekend family reunion with my four siblings, several cousins, and spouses. We're so looking forward to being together. Some of their travel will be complicated by the airline situation. But oh, how we thank God that the terrorist plot was discovered; let's keep praying for peace. I'm not sure I'll have access to the internet for the next couple of days; if I can, I'll meet you here again tomorrow.

We laughed out loud last evening. Someone sent a comedy DVD titled "I Walked on the Moon." Thanks, whoever you are.

Love,
Carol

F.R.O.G. Faith

Cassie Griffin, 14, was enjoying a youth rally at her church in Fort Worth, Texas, when a gunman walked in and killed her and several others. She had a collection of frogs--frog figurines, frog jewelry, frog trinkets. Her parents said she had chosen FROG as her basis for life: Fully Rely On God. It's a great definition of faith. Her reliance on God, for reasons known only to Him, didn't spare her life. Nevertheless, it surely carried her safely through those last terrifying moments of her time on earth. FROG! Fully Rely On God. The Dead Sea Rules says, "This, then, is the principle: our faith grows when we choose to apply God's promises to today's problems and use the experiences to mature us for tomorrow's challengs. In a sense, we are storing up faith for times ahead."

About 4:00 pm yesterday I began to feel human again. We even went for a walk after dinner. My head still feels a little weird, but I plan to go to work today. I trust the kemo is slamming the cancer cell as hard as it's slamming me!

Fully Relying On God,
Carol

All Beat Up

I've never experienced a physical beating, but I can imagine that its aftermath would feel something like the days following kemo. If this week follows my previous pattern, I should be feeling more alive by tomorrow.

Jeremy is flying to Michigan this morning and will spend a week re-connecting with his family and friends. He's still very excited about Africa, and has been working faithfully at his internship at SIM, but he's also excited about going home. Sue (his mom) was so dear to arrange this surprise. We'll miss him. He's been working hard at the piano, trying to master a beautiful song. It rings in my soul day and night, so I'll share it here:

Wonderful, merciful Savior, Precious Redeemer and Friend;
Who would have thought that a Lamb could rescue the souls of men?
O, You rescue the souls of men.

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper, Spirit we long to embrace;
You offer hope when our hearts have hopelessly lost our way,
O, We’ve hopelessly lost our way.

Almighty, infinite Father, Faithfully loving Your own.
Here in our weakness you find us falling before Your throne,
O, we’re falling before Your throne.

You are the One that we praise. You are the One we adore.
You give the healing and grace our hearts always hunger for,
O, our hearts always hunger for.

By Dawn Rodgers and Eric Wyse

I won't have a CA 125 blood test next week after all. The doctor prefers to wait until after one more kemo treatment, which is scheduled for August 21. Then we'll get the test on August 25, which should provide some guidance prior to the next treatment scheduled for September 5 (our 47th wedding anniversary). Have I mentioned how hard it is to wait?

I appreciate you so much!

Love,
Carol

Will Explain Later

“God marks across some of our days, ‘Will explain later.’” (Vance Havner)

Our dearly missed pastor, the late Charles Page, often spoke lovingly of his mentor and hero Vance Havner. When Vance’s wife died, he was devastated. But later he wrote:

“When before the throne we stand in Him complete, all the riddles that puzzle us here will fall into place and we shall know in fulfillment what we now believe in faith—that all things work together for good in His eternal purpose. No longer will we cry ‘My God, why?’ Instead, ‘alas’ will become ‘Alleluia,’ all question marks will be straightened into exclamation points, sorrow will change to singing, and pain will be lost in praise.”

I read the above in the little book, The Red Sea Rules. The author, Robert J. Morgan, writes, “In the vortex of God’s mysterious ways, John 13:7 becomes a key verse for Christians: ‘Jesus answered and said to him, What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.’”

Kemo went well yesterday. It took only two picks to find a vein. I collapsed as soon as I got home; it feels like the fatigue will match last time’s. I also struggled with nausea for the rest of the day—a new wrinkle for me--but that seems better this morning. After 11 treatments, I feel blessed to be doing so well.

Thanks for your love and prayers.
Carol

The Waiting Room

Our friend with the lung tumors has finished his chemo and will have his final radiation tomorrow. And then comes the waiting! Eight weeks! Then a scan will reveal what’s been happening in his lymph nodes. Waiting gets hard. Although I’m still in treatment, I feel like I’m mostly in the “waiting room.” I don’t know where all this is heading. And if I could know, would I want to?

I realize we started this blog relationship because I was so desperately in need of your prayers. I still am! But there’s not much to say about my physical condition from day to day. So I try to keep my mind engaged with big ideas, and from time to time I share them here. I hope you don’t mind.

On December 25, 1991, Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev called US President George Bush, Sr., and said, “I have a Christmas present for you. The Soviet Union is no more.” Most of us welcomed that news because we felt the end of the Cold War brought us a measure of safety. But others saw something far greater. In fact, for some years already, as the “Iron Curtain” was rusting away, Paul Eshleman, International Director of The Jesus Film Project, had been arranging film showings and video give-aways in the most unlikely places in the USSR and Eastern Europe. Now he and other Christian leaders saw a window of opportunity to expose the educational system to the Jesus who had been banned for 70 years.

They formed a consortium of more than 80 Christian organizations, and called it the CoMission. During the five years of its existence (1992-1997), they showed the JESUS film in 65,000 schools and 278 teacher-training colleges, and trained the public school teachers to teach biblical ethics to their students—with the approval of the Ministry of Education. Thousands of "ordinary" Christians invested a year or more to live in Russia, sharing their faith and working in the schools. Thousands of teachers became believers, and hundreds of thousands of children met Jesus through the film and related curriculum.

Yesterday afternoon I finished reading the book about that amazing effort. Here’s a quote: “ No one dreamed that 82 organizations could work together under the umbrella of the CoMission or that they would take down their own organizational ‘flags’ and work as one, in unity representing the body of Christ.” I discovered that one of the essential principles of the CoMission was repentance. That's a concept we don't hear much about these days, but apparently it derailed a lot of self-seeking, misunderstanding and interpersonal conflict. I found enormous encouragement as I read about the CoMission.

Kemo #11 starts at 8:30 this morning. As always, we pray for a good vein, and for the medicine to search and destroy all the cancer cells. Next Monday we'll do another test for CA 125. We're asking for a miracle drop.

Bless you, my prayer partners,
Carol

Movie Nights

On Friday Jeremy and I went to the video store and rented three videos. That evening the daughter of a work colleague came and watched "Sahara" with us. It's an adventure, but we all laughed a lot.

Last evening we watched "The Second Chance," with Michael W. Smith and Jeff Obafemi Carr. We didn't laugh much. It's a sobering drama about the realities of the inner city, a pastor and his family doing what they can with "tough love," and a thriving suburban church that sends a monthly check. One question rang in my mind through the night, and echoes still: "What can I do?"

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, "Give what you have, for you never know--to someone else it may be better than you can even dare to think." Perhaps a better question for me to ask is, "What do I have?" Please pray that if this burden is really from God, I won't get distracted before I get an answer.

Chuck's respiratory congestion is definitely clearing up, and I'm feeling well. Tomorrow we go for kemo #11.

Blessings,
Carol

Answered Prayer

Chuck's respiratory congestion seems a bit better. Yesterday he was able to see the doctor and get an antibiotic. That is a direct answer to prayer, and I'm so thankful. Many in our offices have been fighting similar infections for weeks. I'm grateful that I've been protected from catching it.

Do you recall the quote I passed along from the 24-7 prayer room? "I must not simply do what I can; I must do whatever it takes." One of the delightful aspects of my work is to read letters from SIM missionaries. Yesterday I read one from Dr. Stephen Letchford of Zambia, and he told a story titled "Whatever It Takes." Irene Mundia was a 1970s graduate from the Mukinge Nurses Training School. She and her assistant provided medical care for Zambians at an "end-of-the-world" health center. One evening a young woman in labor came to the clinic, but it became obvious that Irene could not deliver the feet-first baby. She observed that the baby was dying and so was the mother. Irene and her assistant stopped and prayed. Then she decided to go with her small motorcycle to the nearest town, 30 miles away, to summon help. "Don't leave me," pled the woman, "or I'll die." Sensing that the woman was probably right, Irene strapped her on her back with a linen sheet, then the two of them set out on the cycle in the pitch-black night on a dirt track. By the time they reached the hospital two hours later, Irene was completely worn out and the mother was no longer responding. Although sadly it was too late for the baby, the OR team, with God's help, saved the mother's life.

Irene Mundia showed me how God's love can expand "what we can do" to "whatever it takes."

Living and loving today, by God's grace,
Carol

"Never pray for an easier life"

"Never pray for an easier life--pray to be a stronger person. Never pray for tasks equal to your power--pray for power equal to your tasks. Then doing your work will be no miracle--you will be the miracle." Those words by Phillips Brooks were in my devotional reading yesterday. I take it as solid truth that everything that touches us (heartaches, bad news, difficult people, hard circumstances, illness) is first filtered through the loving hands that hold us. Therefore, He is both able and glad to answer our prayers for strength for life and power for our tasks.

Today I will continue to make final corrections to the SIM magazine stories according to feedback from the people involved around the world. (After I complete a draft, I always send it to the field directors and to the people who first told me the story, to be sure it's accurate and up-to-date.) This is the fine detail part of the task--not my strongest gift. So I pray that God will give me "power equal to the task"--to be sure I don't miss anything.

Maybe you can use a laugh. A dad was reading Bible stories to his young son, and read, "So this man named Lot was warned by the angel to take his wife and flee out of the city. But his wife turned back and was turned into a pillar of salt." The son looked up curiously and asked, "But Daddy, what happened to the flea?"

Thanks for praying for Chuck. He seemed to cough less last night, but he has serious pain in his chest and still has a congested head.

Blessings,
Carol

Last evening at dinner time Jeremy said, “Hey, Grandma, would you like to go to the 24-7 Urban Prayer Room tonight?” Sure, I would, so we went to a warehouse in north Charlotte and got blown away. To quote their publicity, it’s a “sacred space of raw warehouse transformed into an incubator for intimacy with God and involvement in our world. Comfortable chairs, study tools, thought-provoking art. Space to step out of the fray, pray, read, reflect, refuel.” We stayed about two hours, and for most of the time we were the only ones there. You’d have to experience it! (You can learn more at www. charlotte24-7.com.)

Here’s a quote I copied:
“This is the paradigm shift:
That I must not simply do what I can,
I must do what it takes.
And risk drowning
To swim in the sea of His will.
Risk failing!
Apparently there's a growing movement of 24-7 houses of prayer around the world.

Correction: I didn’t learn about “The Red Sea Rules” from hannatu.blogspot.com, as I said yesterday. But I have no idea where I did read about it. Does anyone out there know? In any case, it’s a good and helpful book.

Our friend with the vision-threatening eye disease says she believes healing is coming slowly. This stirs us up to continue praying. A missionary friend is driving today on treacherously slippery mountain roads in southern Mexico, made far more treacherous by civil instability. So we pray for him too. And I can never begin or end a day without praying for wisdom for our government leaders and for God’s mercy in our troubled world.

Blessings,
Carol

Do the next thing

Several weeks ago I read on hannatu.blogspot.com (the site of the Niger missionary with whom Jeremy will serve for six months) that she'd been reading "The Red Sea Rules," and she liked it. So I ordered a used copy and now I like it too. It's Robert J. Morgan's reflections on principles for guidance based on the experience of Moses and the Israelites when they were trapped among the Red Sea, the mountains, and the murderous Pharaoh's army. On page 63 he quotes Thomas Carlyle, "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand." Sometimes you've heard me fuss about the uncertainty of cancer, about not knowing "what lies dimly at a distance," about not knowing how to plan. Great advice. There's plenty--both of joy and of duty--that "lies clearly at hand."

Yesterday I had another follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He found no evidence of any recurring tumors. Thank the Lord! The doctor said that based on what he saw at surgery, if I hadn't received any subsequent treatment, he would have predicted survival only until about now! He rejoiced with us that I'm feeling so well. We continue to pray that the cancer cells are being eradicated.

Chuck has gotten a horrible head/chest congestion. He's very vulnerable to respiratory complications, so may I ask your prayers for him?

My brother-in-law's nephew, after a 4-year battle with cancer, died yesterday. Now we pray for comfort and grace for his young children and for all the family.

These days I'm reading 2 Corinthians, and I'm living by the words at the close of chapter 4 and the beginning of chapter 5: "So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down--when we die and leave these bodies--we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself...."

We are so blessed that you continue to care about us and pray for us!

Love,
Carol, for Chuck too

Strong Desire

I'm learning an important lesson from my grandson. Privilege is nice, but motivation outranks it by a mile. He never had an opportunity to take piano lessons, but now he has a powerful desire to play the piano. Last year he borrowed a small keyboard and a friend's old piano lesson book and literally taught himself the basics. Now that he's here with a piano and an erstwhile piano teacher in residence, he's burning up the keys. He bought a collection of wonderful contemporary Christian songs and while they're way beyond beginner level, he simply won't give up until he masters them. The other evening after practicing a song on the piano, he got out the guitar and learned to play the song on it. Then I played the piano, he the guitar, and we both sang "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (David Crowder style) at the top of our voices. I've been thinking. What do I want so badly that I'm willing to work that hard at it?

This morning we have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon, which we expect to be merely routine.

We continue to pray for those of you who have told us about particular needs. We so appreciate your prayers too.

Love,
Carol...for Chuck too