Amazing Weekend

With the aid of infused fluid, Carol spent over 12 hours sitting in various chairs participating in conversations Sunday. She even came to the dinning room table to watch us eat our final dinner together as a family. (She no longer can take in food) This is truly a time of both sadness and joy!

I called in a couple of friends that Carol would like to have moderate her Celebration of Life when that time comes, and we discussed with her the type of gathering she wishes us to have. For those of you who have asked, we plan to have celebrations both in Charlotte and Lansing. I would love to personally keep each of you updated, but that being impossible, I will try to keep communicating through the blog. Thanks to you for your many acts of love for us!

With a very sharp mind and a weakening body, Carol participated like "old times" in conversations. It was wonderful to have so many of our family members with us. Two vehicles are now heading for Michigan and Indiana but Sue, Karin and Lisa have chosen to stay for a few days longer. Pray for the husbands and grandchildren as they travel back to their responsibilities at home.

Before leaving for the motel, each family member had a private time with Carol after we had her in bed. She had special thoughts from her heart for each one before giving them a final hug and kiss. We pray that this will impact each for His glory throughout the rest of their lives! I have to confess, that as I write this tears still fill my eyes. Yes, tears of sadness but also of joy!

Each of you was a major participant in our weekend as you held this special time up in prayer. We are experiencing the goodness of God and of His people. Thank you so very much!

Much love,

Chuck...and Carol too

Family Time

These have been very special hours with the family this weekend. All of them arrived safely and the Lord gave Carol an amazing extra burst of strength to be out of bed most of the day enjoying each one. Carol was even able to sit at the piano and play three songs that she would like to have sung at her funeral. We all did our best to sing along, but with less than perfect voices. Later today, dear ones will have to head back home to resume the responsibilities that they set aside for this final good-by to Carol.

We received an email yesterday from a good friend in Chile, quoting from Thomas a Kempis that does quite well describing what we are experiencing:

"If I am left to myself, behold, I am nothing, and all weakness;
but if Thou suddenly look upon me, I presently become strong,
and am replenished with new joy."

We look forward to a few more family hours today, and will then be left with more wonderful memories that I trust will play in our hearts and minds as we cherish the final time that the Lord gives Carol this side of the curtain of REAL life.

Have a wonderful Lord's day with your family and friends.

Love to you all,

Chuck...and Carol too

No more learning

Chuck here, expecting Lisa’s arrival by bus at any minute. Thanks to dear friend Stuart, I did not have to make the 5 AM trip out to meet her.

The family continues to assemble. Daughter Karin and Carol’s sister, Ruth, both arrived by air yesterday. Karin’s and Sue’s husbands, Keith and Jeff are still on the road with grandchildren driving from Indiana and Michigan, and are anticipated around mid-morning. Carol has been holding up amazingly well, thrilled to have this opportunity to be with the family. We continue to administer IV fluids to avoid dehydration, and are so thankful that she is not experiencing significant pain. Eating is not desired by her, and the minimal fluids taken by mouth are mostly dispersed through the PEG tube which continues to relieve excess acids from her stomach. (I trust that is not too graphic)

God is gently preparing Carol and each of us for her arrival. We each are focusing more and more on the joy which lies ahead for her rather than the loss that we will also experience without her presence. I believe that I am fully aware of the huge hole that will be left in my life, but I also am experiencing an amazing peace with the pain. Thank you Lord, and thank you each one for your special love, support and prayers! Chuck

The following is a note actually typed by Carol yesterday, to be included in this mornings blog:

I had a startling revelation a couple of days ago. I’m not going to learn anything more about heaven until I’m experiencing it in person. (Pause! Smile! Think about it!) I’m simply too tired to read any more, or even to hold a book. So the wonderful studying I’ve done over the past years is all I have—until I step through that fragile curtain and open my eyes on reality for the first time.

So I thought I’d like to pass that along. Today, while you have some energy and some control over your time, is the opportunity to learn what you need to know for your real future. There’s probably no last-minute cramming.

I’m writing this on Friday afternoon, as we wait for the rest of the family to arrive. I’m getting tireder as time goes by, but not sicker. I love you all and still wish I could tell you so in person. Through Christ, I hope to see you all there some day.

Love,
Carol

PS: Carol asked me to add this to her note. What a blessing the small book One Minute After You Die by Erwin W. Lutzer has been to her as she looks forward to the unimaginable bliss that awaits her in heaven. We have presented this book to each of our children and grandchildren to give them a simple and moving explanation of what the Bible teaches about death. We were introduced to this book in January while attending a conference in Florida where Dr. Lutzer was one of the speakers.

Difficult but Good

These are difficult but good times!

Yesterday the Lord gave Carol an amazing burst of strength, in spite of several "upsets," as she said goodby to many dear friends both in person and by phone. These were short visits but very special touching times. Our family will start to arrive today for final hugs, kisses and goodbys, and will be with us for the weekend. Daughter Sue has been with me tending to many nursing details and just helping old dad since our return.

We do not know what timetable the Lord has, but without being able to take in food and water, that time must be coming soon. Hospice has set up and providing infusions of fluids to help assure clear thinking and reasonable strength for the weekend. We are completely in God's hands, knowing no better place to be. Possibly this is forcing us to FULLY rely on God.

Carol told me last evening that she would like to do another blog, but she is still sleeping and I know that many will be checking this morning, so this is your update. If possible she will "speak" later.

Thanks for all of your many many messages of love and support.

We love you all,

Chuck...and Carol too

Into The Light

Into the Light ... Sue painted this a few weeks ago and I begged her to give it to me. Now it hangs directly in my line of vision. Like all good art, multiple meanings emerge to the viewer. Naturally, light and its essential colors dominate. I see myself along with millions of other pilgrims walking along the path. Thanks to the Light of the world (Jesus), the inconceivable light that welcomes us is full of hope and glory and peace. This is a metaphor for these last days of my life here on earth. And a mere hint of the splendor that waits for all of us.

We don’t know but that I may have very few days left in this body. I want to thank you for walking this cancer journey with us for 2 ½ years. Your prayers and notes of encouragement have made a huge difference. Even after we’ve said our final goodbyes, you will still have your own journey to walk. Please don’t forget to Fully Rely on God. I’ll also appreciate your continued prayers for Chuck and the family.

Unspoken Thanks: So many gorgeous flowers, cards, books, treats/food have brightened our home these past days. In a perfect world you would have received a personal thank you. Please be thanked.

Final Hugs: I visualize hundreds of dear people whom I would love to hug and speak a personal goodbye to. It may be impossible. Please be hugged.

I want to step out of this life with all my relationships in order. To the best of my understanding I am at peace. If you feel you have anything to resolve with me, please feel free to take advantage of the time remaining.

Final Happy Memories: I have asked Sue to share a few photos from the recent wedding. Celebrating it together was a wonderful gift from God. The first photo is of Justin & Laura listening to me read from Ephesians 4. It was such an answer to prayer to be able to fulfill that commitment … and a joy.

Love,

Carol

Grace and Mercy

Carol continues to have digestive problems, having a major “upset” just as I was tucking her into bed last night. Things started “moving” during the night and she was able to get a good amount of sleep. We are thankful that she is not experiencing any major pain.

Not able to get back to sleep, I was reading The Daily Message which today focuses on Jonah 3-4 and Psalm 90. A couple of thoughts that stuck in this tired mind:

We read that “The people of Nineveh listened, and trusted God.” Then God changed his mind as we read “God saw what they had done, that they had turned away from their evil lives. He did change his mind about them. What he said he would do to them he didn’t do.” Then Jonah said “I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!” WOW…what a wonderful God we have!

I was telling Carol about what I had read during the night, and had to admit that while we talk about FROGin (Fully Relying On God), I have trouble with the “F” word. FULLY relying on God is a moment by moment challenge for me. I want to “fix it.”

A couple final thoughts from the prayer of Moses in Psalm 90: “On! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well!…Surprise us with love at daybreak; then we’ll skip and dance all the day long.”

It is our prayer that each of you will be surprised with God’s love this morning and that your hearts will skip and dance with His love throughout the day.

Love,

Chuck…and Carol

Bundles Complete

Thanks to God’s help, we made it to Indiana and then Michigan in good spirits (though just about as tired as a person can be), went to the wedding, where I had the huge privilege of reading the Bible selection, spent many hours with precious relatives and friends (not always 100% awake), and then successfully returned home yesterday. Thank you so much for your effective prayers.

I do plan to write a longer report later, but this morning I have my first meeting with my Hospice doctor, and I feel I need to build my strength for that. So for now, please simply allow me to share a little of Ephesians, The Message, which I read at the wedding:

“Take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry.—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the devil that kind of foothold in your life.

“Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

“Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”

Good words to live by!

Love,
Carol

Returned Home

Our trip back to Charlotte went well. We have completed all of the evening medical procedures and Carol is now asleep. Daughter Sue traveled back with us and we were amazed at how well Carol did after so much activity and the many miles. She actually appears to have done better than on the trip there. Thank you Lord and thanks to all of you who have so faithfully prayed.

Tomorrow the Hospice doctor will come to the house to check Carol and decide upon any future treatment in consultation with our Oncologist. Do pray for wisdom for all of us as I anticipate some major decisions may be made.

After some busy days and a 12 hour drive, I am a bit tired so will make this short and get off to bed shortly.

Love to you all,

Chuck...and Carol too

Returned Home

Our trip back to Charlotte went well

Charlotte Tomorrow

We anticipate heading out for Charlotte at 6:30 AM tomorrow (Monday). Daughter Sue will travel with me to tend to Carol's needs as we travel. Depending upon how many stops we need to make, I anticipate driving time to be about 12 hours.

Thanks for praying. We have experienced so many miracles along the way!

Love,

Chuck...and Carol too

Married

I know that many will be checking the blog, so here is a quick update.

Carol made it to the wedding! In fact, she even read Scripture from her seat in the front pew of the church. Speaking from nearly 49 years of marriage, she read Ephesions 4:24-34 from The Message. It was a major effort, but absolutely wonderful. After the wedding, several told me that they "went through all of their kleenex". The wedding was beautiful with special humor and flair that was typical Justin and Laura. Possibly Carol will be up to writing more about that later. She is the real writer, so I will suggest it to her when she is stronger.

We were so pleased that two of Carol's brothers and wives from out of state were able to attend, along with all of our children, grand children and many friends and other family members. Her attendance was a big wish for Carol, and we are so thankful that the Lord gave her the strength to participate in this joyous event.

Presently everyone is at the reception, and Carol and I are back at the house getting some much needed rest for her. The challenge will be to build up the necessary strength to make the trip back to Charlotte, hopefully on Monday to connect with our medical people and lay out plans for possible future treatment. This is not expected to be an easy task, so we will appreciate your prayers.

As the ceremony ended, the words of "To God be the glory, great things He has done" rang in my thoughts, and I joined the other wet-eyed attenders exiting the church.

Love to you all,

Chuck...and Carol too

Arrived in Michgan

These have been uncertain days about any future travel. Carol had a very difficult night Thursday and we had a Hospice nurse at the lakehouse most of the day Friday working with Carol until nearly 8:00 PM when we headed for Michigan. It was midnight by the time that we finished all of her proceedures and I tucked her in, but she was delighted to be here. The family all had a few minutes to be with her before retiring, which was a great thrill for her. It continued to be her wish to continue on and attend the wedding.

Today is the wedding. I know that our roles there will be greatly diminished because Carol is very weak and sleeps much. Possibly we will only be able to take her to the back of the church in the wheelchair. This will be a very tiring day for her and we both recognize that it is important to limit exposure with people to conserve energy. Hopefully people will understand.

The other night Carol asked if I thought that we could get back to Charlotte. Only the Lord knows those answers, but I assured her that we will do all that we can to make it happen.

Your love and prayers are encouraging us on.

Love,

Chuck...and Carol too

Arrived Safely

We want to get a quick blog out tonight to let all of you dear friends know that we arrived at our lake house in Indiana at about 6:00 PM. I was thankful for the assistance from Karin who tended to Carol’s needs during the trip, and for Bud who assisted with the driving and will take the rented van back to Charlotte, as we will be picking our own van up here to continue the trip.

I am sure that the trip was tiring for Carol, but she did well. She was even able to take three brief walks at rest areas without the aid of a wheelchair or cane. We were thankful that she was able to eat a bit of food on the trip and drink an acceptable amount of fluids.

We will be spending a relaxing day here tomorrow, and likely will not get another blog out in the morning. Friday we will continue on to Michigan to prepare for the wedding on Saturday.

Thanks for your love and prayers.

Chuck…and Carol too

Arrived safely

Almost packed

Stuff is lying in the living room, ready to be loaded into the van for tomorrow's trip. I think we don't need to say again how excited we ae about this trip and the upcoming wedding. And how grateful we are for your prayers. Thank you.

I believe each day will bring its own challenges, but just as surely, I believe we can Fully Rely On God to help us meet them and to touch each person we meet with the love of God. That's our goal.

Karin will travel with us, which is wonderful. Also our dear friend Bud is going along to help with driving and to get the mission van returned back here. How grateful we are. We have our own van in Indiana which will bring us back here next Monday.

Today I saw two Hospice nurses, and they were both very encouraging. We're disappointed that the stomach tube isn't going to work ideally, and there doesn't seem to be a good solution. So we'll do our best to be brave.

We'll be back in touch just as soon as we can.

Love,
Carol

Just want you to know

Thanks for praying for God’s guidance. We feel at this point that He is giving us a green light to go to the wedding. We plan to drive to Indiana on Wednesday and stay there until Friday when we’ll go to Michigan. The rehearsal is Friday evening, and I suppose we’ll have the big thrill of seeing beloved family members before we seek an early bedtime. Then, of course, the wedding is Saturday, And we’ll probably rest Sunday before heading for home on Monday.

I have a miracle to tell you about. Dear friends of Sue’s family live about one minute from her home. They have offered us lodging in their “in-law” apartment on the first floor of their home. How wonderful it will be to have a home so close to all the events of the week with privacy and a quiet place to rest. We’d planned on hotel lodging, but it certainly wouldn’t have been anywhere near as convenient as this. We feel so blessed.

I started trying to post this on Monday afternoon, but had a lot of trouble with the internet. Overnight, a few new problems developed with my health and other aspects of the trip, so please view this as a tentative update. I’ll do my best to send more complete information later today. I don’t want to be cryptic, only to let you know as much as we know at this point. We still need your prayers.

Yesterday I gained the energy to finally read through a stack of cards and e-mails; hugely encouraging. Also, I picked up my Bible after several days of over-fatigue, and it felt so good to be able to read a few verses again.

Love,
Carol

Awake

Each day I'm feeling better, staying awake for longer stretches of time, and getting around more steadily. Yesterday I felt no pain all day, and overnight I needed pain meds only twice. We want to thank every one of you who has been praying so faithfully for us. I feel a need to focus prayers on Chuck today, because I don't think he's sleeping very well.

Lisa left just after midnight for her 8-hour train trip back home. She'll work the rest of the week, and then will fly to Michigan for the wedding. Karin is still here with us. It's been so wonderful to have them both here. They've kept the house tidy, meals fed, and have become good friends with the many great folks who have come to visit over the weekend.

Today our Hospice nurse is coming for another visit. What a fabulous care support network they provide. Our big prayer need for today is for God's wise guidance about going to the wedding. The wrong decision in either direction would have negative effects, and only God knows today how I'll be feeling next weekend. So we pray we'll clearly hear his voice, and humbly obey. Thanks so much for your help in prayer.

Love,
Carol

Memories

It’s been a very rich morning thinking about people. Like hide and seek, marco-polo, follow the leader, and a myriad of other childhood games, one thought leads to another, and I feel I’ve been on a wonderful adventure of memories. Camping, sight-seeing, thrift-shopping, hiking, rafting, sailing, bird-watching, soul-ravishing concerts, discussing great books, hugging, smiling, remembering. I guess I’d better step off this long memory lane, or we’ll be here all day, which wouldn’t be a disconsolate proposition after all! Hundreds of you have played a role in these memories, and I want you to know that I appreciate you.

Isn’t it interesting how memories build? Time after time, we’ll climb Pilate Mountain, always expecting to do it again. Then, suddenly, it becomes obvious that we’ve done it for the last time in this life. Odd! During the quiet days of suffering in the hospital, followed by more quiet days of trying to regain lost strength since returning home, it has become obvious that entering Hospice when we did was exactly the right decision. It’s been a beautiful revelation this morning that I can continue a highly active and enjoyable life in the mind, but my hiking boots may have experienced their final accumulation of high-mountain dust. And that’s okay.

I’d surely love to see my church friends this morning, and our neighbors this afternoon, and my treasured work colleagues tomorrow, but these are not part of the strategic bundle of decision making. Tomorrow we need to decide whether I’ll have enough strength to travel north on Tuesday. If that’s a go, then we’ll need to carefully watch every minute of strength in order to fully live every aspect of the wedding weekend. And then—maybe hardest of all—we’ll need to travel back to North Carolina alone and find God’s perfect path for the remaining weeks or months of our life together. No one is making any predictions, but things are unpredictable, to be sure. Thank you for praying with us along this journey!

I’ve written this not to be pessimistic, but rather to be optimistic. When Chuck and I began our life together almost 49 years ago, we couldn’t possibly have pre-written the wonderful history that lay ahead for us. But God knew! He knows the perfect plan that will unfold over the coming two weeks—but we can’t see even one minute of it. I feel safe with things this way. There’s a sweet rhyme that says, “The best is yet to be.” Regardless of what is “yet to be” in this year or decade or century, please give God space and time to prove that His best is stunningly beautiful for ever and ever.

So today will be a day for resting. We’ll continue to keep you updated as plans unfold. I appreciate all Chuck’s help with the blog these days.

I have no way of knowing whether my mind has suffered permanent damage, or if words will begin to flow again. I certainly hope they do. And I do know that whatever God does, He does well.

Love,
Carol

God loves you!

God loves you!

Carol had a restful night. When I checked on Carol at 2:00 AM, she was making some sounds as if to be dreaming. Shortly, she awoke and indicated that it was some sort of a dream about thanksgiving. For about an hour she was somewhat awake as I prayed with her and we talked a bit. As I was leaving the room, I gave her a kiss and she opened her eyes and said “God loves you Chuck,” to which I responded “and has a wonderful plan for your life.” We talked briefly about that and both were off to sleep shortly.

I believe that my mind “played” with that statement during the night, because when I awoke, it was right up front. As I thought about that plan, I was reminded of how easy it is to interpret that as good health, happiness, great job, comfort and the list could fill this page. But is that really the primary plan of God? When I think about prayer requests from a group, and my own frequent prayers, it would appear that way.

I believe that it is far to easy to interpret verses like Jeremiah 29:11 incorrectly thinking that His “plans for good” for us are all about us. Certainly they are about us, but more importantly they are about Him. I find it far to easy to forget that he allows everything that comes into my/our life, with the end result of preparing us for eternity and glorifying Him along that road. I’ll be thinking through that a bit more today as Carol and I travel that winding road with cancer.

Those are a few thoughts from a tired mind this morning. Carol is now awake and tells me that she may be able to do the blog tomorrow. We continue to pray for strength and wisdom. Thanks for joining us in prayer!

Have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

Chuck…and Carol too

Lisa arrived

This has been a bit of an uncomfortable night for Carol. We have increased her pain meds considerably, but are finding it difficult to stop the pain completely. I just put her back to bed at 2:00 AM and am awaiting daughter Lisa’s arrival shortly. Yes, her train is scheduled for 2:20 AM and our dear friend Stuart is making the run for me. I do not expect to get back to sleep before she arrives, so this is a good time to blog. Possibly we can sleep in a bit in the morning.

Yesterday in The Daily Message I was reading 2 Samuel 21-24 and was reminded of how easy it is to give “great” sacrifices/gifts to God that cost us nothing. As David goes to buy items to offer a sacrifice to God, he gets an offer that I would think he could not refuse. Araunah is quick to offer all that he was needing for NOTHING! But David responds; “No, I’ve got to buy it from you for a good price, I’m not going to offer God, my God, sacrifices that are no sacrifice.” Or as some translations say it; …”that cost me nothing.”

Wow…how many times have I been guilty of fooling myself? Did I go to that class, that service, that meeting or what ever for God, or was the real motivation to spend time with my dear friends or to satisfy my own needs? Is my volunteer work satisfying my own need or am I actually giving a gift to God? That is a big issue to “chew” on. Thanks for the reminder Samuel. I needed that!

Lisa arrived (train was only 30 minutes late) and Carol was awake to see her and chat briefly. We are all tired, so are heading back to bed for some needed sleep. Tomorrow will be a full day with the two girls here. We are so thankful for such a caring family…that includes you too!!!

Thanks for your love and prayers.

Love,

Chuck…and Carol too

Alive? Really?

Alive? Really?

What a wonderful feelig!To wake up and want to stay awake for awhile. I could never have understood this level of fatigue if I hadn't experienced it myself over these past few weeks.

By the time I finish publishing this blog, I realize already that I'll be searching for my bed again. So I intend to fully enjoy these few minutes with you.

Such good news!Just before midnight I crept out of my hospital bed and crawled into Chuck's bed, where a back-elevating wedge had been placed by Hospice. (The elevation is required by the presence of fluid in my bronchial cavity.) Not only did I sleep sweetly the rest of the night, but so did Chuck, a total of 7 hours for him. He asked me to tell you that good answer to your prayers for him.

I'm filled with fondness for all of you, and surrounded by reminders of your care, love, and prayers. Sooner or later I intend to respond to you personally, as I'm able. In the meantime, I'm encouraged by your notes and e-mails,your short visits, the lovely flowers.

Now some thoughts about the wedding of Justin and Laura on June 21. Being there has grown to a very high value in my mind. My friends, doctors, and nurses agree. But the whole project is arranging itself into three crucial bundled in my mind, and I'd be grateful if you'd help me pray it into reality.

Bundle one: Over the next 5 days I need to gain enough energy to plan and pack for the 12-hour car journey. Yes, we listened carefully to the concerns of those who felt we should fly. After considering the current state of air travel, and the special phyical needs I'm facing, we've all concluded driving is better. Sue and Karin will both be here to travel with us. Karin and Lisa will be here in the meantime to help us prepare. I don't want to panic, but rather to move serenely through these days with clear understanding of what needs to be done and how to do it in peace. (I bought my dresses for the wedding events some time ago, not realizing all the "pipes" they were going to add to my body in the meantime. HOpe they won't be too obvious. Prayer bundle one is for insight to prepare effectively, and that my body will strengthen as it needs to.

Bundle two: The five or six days that we'll be deeply immersed in family events surrounding the wedding. I realy want to be there, and they realy want me there, but I surely don't want to create crisis conditions at a time that should be so filled with joy. I'll want to help. I'll need to rest. When I'm tired and confused, It's so easy to say things that leave a bad taste. They've asked Chuck and me to each read a section of the Bible that seems to us to be especially relevant to marriage. I'm excited about the privilege, and I'm praying for enough decibels to be heard.

Bundle three:The whole process of returning home and settling into the next phase of life. There's no way to predict how long that will be, but I've had a lifelong goal of "finishing well," and whatever that means for me, I want to do it. Lots of issues will go into the decision as to whether we settle for a time back here in Charlotte, where we're surrounded by precious friends and supportive networks, or back in Indiana/Michigan where we're so much closer to immediate family, as well as many friends. Bundle three is filled with details after the wedding. Merely typing this has made me realize how slowly my mind works these days. Please help us to think humbly and clearly.

I love you all so much.
Carol

Peaceful Sleep

Psalm 121 only has eight verses, but it says so much. It speaks about help…”My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth!.” Then the Psalmist mentions sleep. “…the one who watches over you will not sleep.”

We called for a nurse last evening to help manage some pain for Carol which had increased. We removed fluid from the lung sac again, adjusted medications and she slept well during the night. As I write, she is still enjoying peaceful sleep. I even was able to get a good five hours of sleep. What a blessing sleep is!

The Psalmist reminds us: “ My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth!” And the Psalm ends with a wonderful assurance; “The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.”

As I put it all into the context of now and forever, I am amazed again at what a great and loving God we have. These are difficult times for many of us, but we are reminded that “The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.”

Please pray for a dear couple who are going through some very difficult times with an adult daughter who is close to a breakdown. As I talked on the phone with the mother yesterday, the stresses were clearly heard in her voice. She was unable to speak freely because the daughter was there, but it was easy to identify a very hurting heart. Pray for peace and guidance for this dear family in Florida as they search for the right solutions.

We thank our wonderful Lord for bringing each of you into our lives. We are blessed!

Love,

Chuck…and Carol too

Simply Waiting

Before going to sleep last night, I read a quote from Vance Havner: “Simply wait upon Him. So doing, we shall be directed, supplied, protected, corrected, and rewarded.” Waiting is not something that I am good at, but that spoke to my heart, and I was shortly off to sleep.

Yesterday was a busy day for Carol. We had a visit from our Hospice nurse, a couple visits from friends, and spent about three hours in the car and at the doctors for examination and getting some fluids. That was a BIG day in Carol’s weakened condition. Just before leaving the infusion room, I was talking to one of the nurses, and she said “…certainly you are not really thinking of taking her to that wedding, are you?” She is a very sweet and caring nurse, just trying to speak her true feelings…I had to agree with her for the moment, but told her that we still have a few days before having to make a final decision, and anything is possible for God! She agreed.

I awoke suddenly for some reason at 1:30 AM and went in to check on Carol. She was sound asleep, so I quietly kneeled at the foot of her bed praying for her and for wisdom. I remember telling the Lord that we have some mountains to move…I don’t know what to do, but He does. Suddenly I heard a sound that I could not believe…it sounded like her stomach was growling. I quietly got up and stood over her listening, and sure enough…in was growling…big time. I believe that is a good indication. The nurses had been listening with a stethoscope for sounds there and could hear a tiny bit, but this was loud. Thank you Lord for this bit of encouragement…may our faith continue to grow!

This morning I opened my Bible to Matthew 17:20 to again read the words of Jesus when he said in part “…if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” That verse came to mind earlier as I went to sleep. I thought of the tiny mustard seed in a small plastic sleeve still between the pages of my Bible, that our beloved teacher Tom had given us possibly 9-10 years ago when we were studying that passage, and shortly I drifted back to sleep again.

Today will be another day of walking with Him and with each other. Thanks again for standing with us so faithfully. Your encouragement means more than you can imagine.

Love,

Chuck…and Carol too

Thanks for caring

Recently I read a timely quote by Henri Nouwen: “The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

We are thankful for all of you caring friends. These truly are difficult times, but I trust times of growth for each one of us. As you would guess, Carol is an ideal patient. With the discomfort, and the procedures that in times past I would have said I could not do, she continues to smile and be thankful for every encouragement and blessing coming her way. Never asking why, never bitter, always ready to help as I clumsily function in my new role of caregiver. Occasionally she is able to take a short telephone call, or enjoy a short visit with friends who stop in, but she continues to be extremely tired and sleeps quite a bit.

After two cancelled flights on Saturday, daughter Sue was again on a flight to Michigan yesterday morning that was ultimately diverted to Fort Wayne due to weather, with no promise of reaching her destination until today. Her husband Jeff, drove to Indiana to pick her up so she could finally get home. Yesterday daughter Karin arrived and is being a BIG help caring for Carol, the house, and also for me.

This morning our hospice nurse is coming for observation and consultation. And in the afternoon we are to take Carol (if she is able) to meet with her Oncologist. It will be a busy and tiring day for her. Please pray for wisdom for both the nurse and the doctor regarding her continuing major digestive issues, and for guidance as we get her stabilized. Also, I am finding it difficult to get adequate sleep for myself. I am certain that I will adjust, but it is a bit difficult at present. Carol is still wishing (and planning) on a trip to Michigan for our grandson Justin’s wedding on the 21st. That is less than two weeks away! We do need a special measure of wisdom and guidance!

Thanks for your many many many caring acts of love!!!

Our love to you all,

Chuck…and Carol too

Home, sweet home

It feels so good to be home. And I feel so loved by all the neighbors who have stopped in for short and encouraging visits. How wonderfully God placed us here 12 1/2 years ago so that now--in our time of need--we're surrounded by loving friends. The thought overwhelms us.

How do I feel? I'm still controlled by strong desires to sleep. My family reminds me that my body went through quite a bit of trauma over the past week, and I should patiently give it time to recover. They've been feeding me nutritional liquids through my stomach tube, which will eventually build up some strength. I find I can safely drink clear liquids by mouth, but anything thicker finds its way back up quickly and miserably. So we'll give it a few more days and see if I get stabilized. It's a big relief to have the lung drainage in place too. Whether I need it or not, we're supposed to drain the pleural cavity every day for a few days, and then see what rhythm we settle into. It sounds and looks intimidating, but the process really is designed for ordinary people to carry out safely.

Sue's plane was cancelled yesterday, so after hanging at the airport for about 4 hours, Chuck went to get her again. She's rescheduled to fly out today. I've been wondering if God sent angels to cancel that flight. Her presence here for an additional day was needed and appreciated. Amazing provision. Karin arrived last evening, so she's been getting a quick course in patient care. (I realize that many cancer patients have to go home alone and provide their own care. I have Chuck, and my daughters, and a precious neighbor who is willingly learning all aspects of my care so she can help too. I am blessed!)

A letter came yesterday so filled with encouragement and truth that I needed to just sit in silence and reflect on it awhile. It's a long letter, but I thought you'd appreciate some of Margie's thoughts: "God demonstrates in your life how His grace is sufficient and sustains one in pain and suffering, in times of doubt and fears, in times of ups and downs as you walk by 'faith and not sight' with complete reliance on Him.

"The Lord is still writing your story and the story of each of His beloved children. Only He sees the 'finished tapestry' of our lives while we see only the 'knotted and tangled threads.' Romans 8:28 tells us that He is working all things out for our good and His glory."

Thank you again for all your prayers. I hope you can see evidence that God is answering.

Love,
Carol

New challenges

We brought Carol home from the hospital yesterday which was a thrill for her. We had a rather full day with hospice people, setting up a hospital bed and making many adjustments in our home and lives. Unfortunately, Carol had some “upsets” during the day so she is not taking any food by mouth. We were thankful to have daughter Sue here to help with our many adjustments, especially the draining of her lung sac and relieving stomach pressure along with PEG tube feeding.

I took Sue to the airport at 4:30 this morning to return to Michigan only to find that her flight was cancelled and she was scheduled on another flight, so the plan is to spend an extra eight hours in Washington DC, hopefully connecting with her sister Lisa if she is unable to find a better flight out of DC. Daughter Karin is flying in this evening to spend a few days helping, and Lisa will be coming after her. We are greatly blessed by a loving family! We appreciate the sacrifice that the husbands are making to make these trips possible!

I find that no matter how well prepared you think you are, there is something unexpected coming around the corner. Frequently when I begin to feel overwhelmed, my mind goes to a verse of a song or Scripture and I come back to reality knowing that God is in control and He is GOOD. This life is only a preparation for the REAL life ahead. May we finish well the balance of time that He gives to us!

Have a wonderful weekend with your family and friends.

Love,

Chuck…and Carol too

Two questions

Proverbs 30 was part of my reading last evening, and I pondered verses 5-9 off and on during the night, and found them at the front of my mind as I awoke this morning. The Message translation indicates this as a discussion between the skeptic (vs. 1-4) and the believer (vs. 5-9) . The believer says in 7-9

“…God, I’m asking for two things
before I die; don’t refuse me—
Banish lies from my lips
and liars from my presence.
Give me enough food to live on,
neither too much nor too little.
If I’m too full, I might get independent,
saying, ‘God? Who needs him?
If I’m poor, I might steal
and dishonor the name of my God.”

I am asking myself…what two things should I be asking God before I die? It seems that the writer of Proverbs had his head on straight.

We meet with the doctor in the hospital early this morning and are planning to take Carol home, having hospice available. This will be a new adventure for all of us. Please pray for Carol’s adjustment, healing and encouragement. Also, this old man will need a special measure of patience and strength coupled with great wisdom as we continue to travel this road. Over and over I am reminded of His strength in my weakness.

Love to you all,

Chuck…and Carol too

Out of surgery

The doctor was able to move Carol's surgery ahead of the planned schedule and she is now out of surgery and back in her room. A liter of fluid was removed from her right lung and a line is now available when the need arises in the future.

Carol is a bit disappointed that she will not be able to go home today because of continuing "upsets" during the night. If all goes well today, we anticipate her return home tomorrow.

Thanks again for your love and prayers.

Chuck...and Carol too

Hope to go home Thursday

On Thursday morning, between 11 and 12, I’m scheduled for a procedure in thoracic surgery; it’s quite simple, merely to provide a drain for the fluid in my right lung. The surgeon says it will be okay to go home by evening. Fortunately, Sue is still here, so she’ll be able to help me adjust to being at home. The Hospice nurse and other staff members will also be at our house a lot at first, so we’ll do just fine.

I’m still somewhat swollen and stiff from the earlier procedures, but they’re healing well. I’m thankful.

I’ve received so many loving and encouraging notes and visits and calls. It’s my strong desire to thank everyone personally, but I’m afraid it’ll be awhile before I connect with enough energy for that. Can you take this “thank you” personally?

My friend in Chile, a professional violinist, sent a video of herself playing the Mozart Laudate with a choral group. It’s so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. And now, the strains continue to echo in my mind. What a gift.

I wonder if anyone has ever had such a hospital experience. Every single staff member, no matter their position, has been unfailingly kind, patient, and even fun. The meals are truly delicious. It’s amazing.

Love to you all,
Carol

Glory to YOUR name

During the early hours this morning as I was reflecting upon all of the events of these past days with Carol in the hospital, my mind wanted to lead me down the wrong road...in the direction of fear and anxiety. Each time I began to pray, my mind wanted to wonder again. Finally I got out of bed and tried to catch up on my daily reading of The Daily Message and read a bit from several books on my night stand. As I was reading the words of Jesus in John, my heart and mind were quieted when He asked "...Should I pray, 'Father save me from what lies ahead'? But that is the very reason why I came! Father bring glory to your name." (12:27b)

I am always amazed at the wisdom that jumps off the pages of Scripture and the peace that comes with it. Those words were a turning point in my thinking for today. There will be bumps in the road ahead but may the Lord use those bumps to bring glory to Himself!

We will be heading back to the hospital shortly to be with Carol. As you might suspect, Carol's room is the one where the nurses enjoy "hanging out". There is plenty of serious discussion there but also joking and laughter. We are thankful for the many new caring friends that have come into our lives.

Thanks again for your love, encouragement and prayers. You are all so special to us!

Love,

Chuck...and Carol too

Next steps

First, I didn't join Hospice yet. They will meet us at home when I'm discharged from the hospital and we'll sign the paperwork then. They will provide a hospital bed for me there, and will meet a long list of other needs as they arise. What they can't do--what no human can do--is prolong my life. I'm glad to have that decision in God's hands. Here's a statement of purpose of the hospice group I'm going to join: The mission of Hospice & Palliative Care Charlotte Region is to relieve suffering and improve the quality and dignity of life through compassionate hospice care for those at the end of life, and palliative care for those with advanced illness.

We're hoping to have a PEG tube inserted into the stomach today to provide a way to remove the bile without having to vomit it. And we're waiting to talk with a pulmonologist to get fluid drained from my lung cavity and to leave in place a permanent drain. Both of these I can manage at home. I wish we could get the latter procedure done today too, as I really really need to go home. But we'll see! So now I'm fasting again, in preparation for the PEG tube. But at least I've had four fine half-meals, with emphasis on protein.

I've developed a lot of edema, which is definitely not attractive or pleasant. The doctor is treating it, and I hope for relief soon. Let's just say, for you who understand such things, that I deserve a lot of M&Ms.

I'm still really fatigued. But before the day is over I hope to be able to send e-mails to those who have sent wonderful notes of encouragement. Please know how much I appreciate every one of you. I feel enriched by your friendship and love.

Love,
Carol

Sue here … resident nurse …

I want to thank you all so very much for your ongoing thoughts and prayers!! It is so evident as we travel through these days that we are continuing in God’s gentle hand.

However … with our human eyes we’re not sure of our next steps. It’s frustrating!! I want answers … I want health ... I want it NOW! But hospitals and doctors move at their own pace … “one thing at a time”! (Amazing how I wasn’t so aware of that as a nurse … but from the patient’s perspective I wonder why it takes so long.) Our day today as been spent with tests and more tests. (For which we have received no results yet) ... chest x-ray … bladder scan … chest/abdomen/pelvic CAT scan. The CT was to verify that there is a safe path for the PEG tube (for stomach decompression for now … eventually for feeding if needed). We also hope that the contrast study will show evidence of where there are more tumors or what else we might be dealing with. It seems to me that mom is still recovering from anesthesia yesterday (increased trouble breathing) and low protein intake (swelling) … and fatigue/debilitation (lots of naps, not much appetite, 2.3 expressions of selfish thoughts)

The good news is that she is feeling no pain. She is going for walks with me and Dad to the family waiting room. She drank all of her contrast for the CT … ate about 50% of each meal today ... and has not even had the urge to “toss her cookies”. She’s expressing preferences for food, She’s getting annoyed with the slow pace of answers ... so is obviously feeling better.

I know she feels bad that she’s not able to entertain more visitors … isn’t always able to talk on the phone … doesn’t answer every e-mail & letter. But your love and support are sincerely appreciated by all of us!

Daughter Sue

I had high hopes...

I had high hopes that the gall bladder surgery would remove the source of the bile, and I could soon return to life as I knew it before all the vomiting. To our great disappointment, the surgeon found things extremely complicated once he got his “camera” inside the abdomen. He said it would have been too risky to proceed with the surgery, because the cancer had involved the gall bladder with adjoining intestines and liver surfaces. So I’m sewed up, in no pain, and back at square one. We’re sad and somewhat numb. Here’s the good news: God is not surprised. We’ll see the oncologist early Monday morning and will discuss other options. On Monday we’ll sign the forms to enter the local Hospice program. If you’d like more details about that program, let me know via a comment, and I’ll be happy to write more.

Some dear friends came this afternoon and brought a card with this message. It rings true!

“God holds our lives in His hands
like precious stones,
polishing each with challenges,
choices,
and changes.
And in time we become shining reflections
Of His purpose,
Of His promise,
Of His love.

That’s good truth.

I think I don’t need to tell you that we need prayer for guidance. I’ve been so aware of the terrific prayer support you all are providing. What gifts of grace. I’d still be thrilled to be healed on earth, but whatever God chooses is good.

Love,
Carol

Surgery

The surgeon just gave us the report that we did not want to hear. Due to the amount of cancer cells, he was unable to remove the gallbladder. Please pray for recovery and the family. These will be some difficult days ahead.

Love,

Chuck & Carol