Others

I felt so well yesterday I worked a full day at the office, and today is also feeling like a good day. Thanks for your prayers.

My childhood friend, with whom I played since we were toddlers, prays for me every day. She loves Jesus and people, and has spent her life helping others, including many refugees and immigrants. She's facing physical needs far greater than mine. Today she begins 5 days of I-V iron infusions, and her veins are shot. On Friday she gets a steroid injection in her eye for a cyst. And very soon she must get a large tube surgically installed along her lower arm in preparation for dialysis. I wonder if you'd be willing to lift up a prayer for her today. Also, I have a new friend (via e-mail--we haven't met yet) who has chemo today and needs our prayers.

Today is a gift of grace, and promises to hold many glimpses of God's love and care. Let's be watching for them.

Blessings!
Carol

His Grace

For some days now we've been really concerned about the return of my cough. Everybody's coughing these days--but did mine indicate a more serious development? I plan to call the doctor today, but I didn't cough even once through the night or this morning. Some things are a big deal and some are very small, and it's not always easy to tell the difference. In yesterday's devotional reading, I read this by Annie Johnson Flint that sums it up:

His grace is great enough to meet the great things--
The crushing waves that overwhelm the soul,
The roaring winds that leave us stunned and breathless,
The sudden storms beyond our life's control.

His grace is great enough to meet the small things--
The little pinprick troubles that annoy,
The insect worries, buzzing and persistent,
The squeaking wheels that grate upon our joy.

Whether our troubles are big or small, or whether or not we can even tell the difference, it's worth trusting God's grace.

By the way, thanks to advice from friend Ed, I have now adjusted the clock on this thing, so it should show the time here in Charlotte rather than on the West Coast.

Again, thanks so much for your love, care and prayers.

Carol

Friends

Yesterday after Karin left, I sat down and read through the stacks of cards (including Christmas) that I've been saving for these past months since we learned about my cancer. It was a beautiful "visit with friends." One card said, "If it hurts you to look back, frightens you to look ahead, then just look beside you...HE is there!"

(I must say it bothers me that cards and postage are so expensive, so this is NOT a request for cards, please! E-mail is free.)

From Psalm 138: I will give thanks to your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness, because your promises are backed by all the honor of your name. When I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need. . . . The Lord will work out his plans for my life--for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.

Wonderfully true!

Love,
Carol

"Then I Am Still"

A few days ago I quoted part of the song, "You Raise Me Up." I'm still finding lots of encouragement from it. "Then I am still, and wait here in the silence, until You come and sit awhile with me." I've had plenty of opportunity to be still this week, but I have to keep reminding myself thatstillness is a good thing. It really is good--especially when it creates an atmosphere for God Himself to "come and sit awhile with me."

I was able to work at the office for two hours on Friday, and we accomplished what needed to be done then. I think I'm stronger today, and hope by Monday and Tuesday to be able to finish the job with excellence.

I read this morning about an elderly southern man who was always joyful no matter his circumstances. When someone asked him his secret, he said, "I just fall flat on the promises of God." There! That's a safe place to fall.

Thanks for praying.

Carol

Today is a Gift

I'm reminding myself that today and every day is a gift to be received with thanks--whatever it holds. I was a little disappointed that all day yesterday I wanted only to rest. And this morning, I can't tell yet how much energy has returned. I know I'm blessed beyond all expectations to be free from the many miserable effects of the chemo, and mere tiredness isn't so bad. (Blood work on Monday revealed slight anemia, which explains this fatigue, and we are treating it.) I'd still like to be active again--soon, if possible. It's wonderful to have Karin here, and she's feeding us well and offering huge encouragement to me. She'll leave tomorrow morning, and I'll really miss her.

We are now at the deadline point for the next SIM magazine, and there's some collaboration I need to do with the photo editor this afternoon. Could you please pray that I'll have energy and clear thinking for that? Thanks.

God is good...all the time!

Love,
Carol

698.8

Yesterday a nurse called from Dr. Boyd's office. She sounded apologetic as she told me the results of Monday's blood test (the CA 125--tumor marker). "It was 698.8," she said sadly. "Oh, great!" I replied. "Really?" she asked. Then I reviewed my history with that test, and suddenly she understood my optimism. Pre-surgery it was 8,445. On January 10th it was about 4,000. January 31 it was 2275. And this week it's 698.8! That is definitely moving in the right direction, and I'm thankful.

There's a lesson there. Often I look at situations or individuals and I see how bad they look. (After all, 698.8 is still a very high number, compared to a normal 35 or less.) If we don't know how far those difficult situations or individuals have already come, we can easily give up on them. But if we know the history, if we can appreciate how much progress has already been made, we can be both thankful for the past and hopeful for the future.

Yesterday (day 3 after chemo) turned out to be a definite resting day. My heartbeat has slowed somewhat this morning, but at the moment it feels liketoday will be another resting day. That's ok. I just read in my daily devotional book: Faith adds its "Amen" to God's "Yes." If God has another quiet day planned for me, I can say "Amen" to that.

One of the things I don't like about these resting days is that I simply have no appetite for reading. Imagine! So I'm always thankful when a book calls to me again--maybe tomorrow!

Love,
Carol

Busy Heart

Since about 1:30 am, my heartbeat has been between 110 and 120. I assume it's the chemo. I was able to sleep anyway, but I'm hoping it will settle down soon. I guess today will be a resting day.

I felt very well yesterday, and even went out for a couple of hours.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than where I am--safe in the hands of God.

Grateful for your prayers,
Carol

All Through the Night

I breathed well all night, with my pillows lying flat. Feels like a miracle!

Karin tucked me in last night with her MP3 playing "You Raise Me Up" (by the group Selah) over and over in my ear. It's a prayer. The singer begins with feeling down, heart-burdened. Then he gets still, and waits "alone in silence, until You come and sit awhile with me. You raise me up so I can walk on mountains. You raise me up to walk on troubled seas, for I am strong when I am on Your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be." I was happy to have the tune and words ringing in my memory every time I woke up through the night.

Last evening I posted an update about yesterday's chemo, so if you're interested in that, please read on. I'm feeling well this morning, but will probably feel like a nap both today and tomorrow.
I love you all!
Carol

Chemo News and Miracles

It's now 7:20 pm in Charlotte, Monday evening. (The date that shows by my entries here is Pacific time.)

I know my oncologist wishes all his patients had a prayer team like I have. I met with him prior to the chemo therapy, and he felt it was important at this stage to check for side effects from the chemo. He'd ask about one, and I'd say no. He'd mention another, and I'd say no. On and on it went. No, no, no, no. Thank You Lord! (There's no point to mention the nasties here, since they're not happening.) He's optimistic by nature, but it was obvious that even he was surprised by how well I'm doing. Sounds like it's time to celebrate. We should have a party. At least I want to say again how much I appreciate your help along the way!

He also mentioned that after chemo #6, April 24, we'll need to decide whether to continue with 8 sessions (or 8 months, I forget which) of maintenance chemo as a means of stalling off a relapse. Could we begin now to pray for wisdom in that decision?

As for my wonderful left-elbow vein, it appears to be shot, probably forever, leaving me with few other options. The highly competent nurse blew out the small one in my right wrist today, and finally found a deep one off the inside of my right elbow. We need at least 3 more treatments, and both the doctor and I would prefer to avoid surgery to implant a med-port, so could we pray that this vein will remain strong or others will be found.

I just awakened from a long, deep nap in my recliner. Oh, I forgot to say that the doctor listened to my lungs and said he hears good deep breathing all the way to the bottoms. (Only 3 weeks ago, he'd said the right lung cavity was half full of fluid, and the left a third.) How could I fail to include this miracle in the other good news above? This is really an answer to prayer. I'm going to try sleeping on only a normal pillow tonight.

Gratefully,
Carol

P.S. One More Thought for Monday Morning

I just opened an e-mail from Jane, and her prayer encouraged me so much I wanted the rest of you to see it. She wrote, "I'm praying that God will hurl the meds against every single cancer cell while laying His sovereign hand of protection over the other cells. (Psalm 18 actually comes to mind here: 'He shot his arrows [of chemo] and scattered the enemies [of cancer cells], great bolts of lightning AND ROUTED THEM...')." I'm going to repeat that prayer many times this morning as I sit in that recliner and watch the fluid drip from the plastic bags into my body.

Thanks again for your love and prayers,
Carol

Remarkable Preservation

Yesterday we saw a remarkable exhibit of the Dead Sea Scrolls, which will be in Charlotte until May, then move to Seattle for showing before returning to Israel. Those scrolls and scroll fragments, which were found by Bedouin shepherds near the Dead Sea about 50 years ago, were written during the two centuries around the time of Christ. Imagine! God preserved them until now--when modern science and scholarship are ready to properly care for and study them. They prove that the Old Testament Scriptures we read now were essentially unchanged during the 20 centuries of the Christian era. It's a moving experience to stand in the presence of those precious ancient texts.

We're praying for today's chemo to hit its mark. The enviable vein inside my left elbow which has served up blood whenever needed all my life has suddenly turned hard as a tendon (chemo does that, I guess). So I'm praying that the nurse will be able to use a lesser vein today.

Several years ago Lisa gave me a ceramic plaque which still hangs in my kitchen, and a couple of days ago a friend sent the same message. I'll pass it along: "I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining. I believe in love, even when I don't feel it. I believe in God, even when He is silent."

Love,
Carol

Slowing Down

I think I've mentioned this before. One of the great benefits of this journey through cancer has been learning to slow down, to be still, to recognize life's priorities. (I love work, but it can fill up life.) Giving and receiving love turns out to be the priority after all. Here's what Richard Swenson says in A Minute of Margin:

"Love is the only medicine I know of that, when used according to directions, heals completely yet takes one's life away. It is dangerous, it is uncontrollable, and it can never be taken on any terms but its own. Yet as a healer of the emotions, it has no equal. Love is the currency of the relational life. In the relational life, we spend love and receive love. That was God's idea from the beginning. It is what He taught us, and it was what He showed us....Must we love? That is a nonsensical question. It is like asking, 'Must we breathe?' No, we do not have to breathe, and no, we do not have to love. But the consequences of both those decisions will be the same....Don't use overload as an excuse, and don't spend your last moments on earth apologizing for your life. Set love in order, begining today." Food for thought, change and action.

Karin came yesterday to be with me for chemo tomorrow and the rest of the week. Plane delays meant an arrival after 6:30 instead of 2:15 pm, but she's safe and well and we're thankful.

This will mark the halfway point of the scheduled chemo-therapy. As always, please pray that God will direct the medicines to search and destroy every cancer cell. I love feeling so well, and I'm grateful for your prayers for that also. Say it with me: "God is good!"

Blessings,
Carol

Tremendous, Awesome & Encouraging!

Carol tells me that it is time for me to send a blog, so here goes.

We are so thankful to the Lord for his peace and guidance and for each of you praying/caring friends! Today daughter Karin flies in from Indiana to be with us for Carol’s third chemo on Monday. Join us in praying for her travel and for Keith as he adds extra responsibility to his busy schedule, and for Gavin and Calli as they get along without their mom for the week.

Earlier this week, in preparation to lead our daily SIM chapel prayer time, I was considering several thoughts to share. But the Lord changed the direction of those thoughts, and directed me to focus on the second chapter of Philippians (vs. 1-11).

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit?” WOW...the answer is a resounding YES! We have been the recipients of those blessings of encouragement, comfort and fellowship over and over. Then in verse 4 we read; “Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.” Your interest in us has humbled us many times, and reminded us not to let the challenges of the hour cause us to get too focused upon ourselves.

Finally in verse 11 we read “...and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” And here I turned the groups attention to the churches and workers in the countries that we were focusing on that day from our Prayer Guide, which incidentally Carol has had a major part in writing and editing each year.

One of the countries we prayed for was Madagascar, an island nation of over 18 million people, with around half of them considering themselves Christians, but most congregations spiritually dead today. And those dear people, like us are not exempt from verse 11. In his book God as He longs for you to see Him, Chip Ingram writes, “The Scripture tells us that you and I and everyone else will someday bow and acknowledge that Jesus is Lord. For some it will be the most tremendous, awesome, and encouraging moment of their existence. They will finally get to see face to face the one they have trusted for years. For others it will be a terrible moment of bitter truth when they wonder, ‘why didn’t I respond’”

All that I have been reading and experiencing is a real wake-up call for me to be more intentional in each contact on the phone, email, letter or personal to allow the Holy Spirit to use me to glorify our wonderful Lord and Savior...Jesus. What a glorious future we have...tremendous...awesome...encouraging, when we see Him face to face.

Have a wonderful weekend. We are praying for you too, that each of you will be growing with us, as we allow the Holy Spirit to direct our time and our lives.

Our love to you all,

Chuck...and Carol too

Celebrate

One of the benefits of this journey through cancer is fresh perspective. Every day, every moment, is a gift--a cause for celebration.

My awake moments last night were devoted to praying for our dear friend Jim, who has suffered unmerciful pain in his back for a long time. Today he's seeing a surgeon in another state, hoping the doctor will be able to surgically give him relief. I wonder if you'd be willing to include Jim in your prayers today. (I think he's in his 80s.)

Tomorrow daughter Karin is flying in; she'll be here a week. Chemo #3 is next Monday the 20th.

Yesterday I worked a full 8 hours at the office and enjoyed a reasonably paced half-hour walk with a friend at noon. That kind of energy feels like a miracle. Today I'm working at home, and maybe resting a little.

I appreciate you so much.

Carol

Sheltered

Some friends think we are super believers, somehow immune from worries, fears and what-ifs. Then there are a few who secretly wonder if we're in denial. Neither is quite right. Here's an example: those who warned us about the side effects of chemo explained that the toxins were destroying both cancer cells and healthy cells, causing misery all around. So sometimes I wonder: since I'm not miserable, might that mean the chemo isn't doing its job? And what if we come to the end of the regimen and learn that the cancer is still running wild or has implanted in a new site? So now you know that we have our moments. But they're few and brief. If we do get bad news in May, we know God will give extra gifts of grace at that time to enable us to face facts and make new decisions. And meanwhile, almost 100% of the time, we truly are sheltered --wrapped up--in peace. We fully believe your prayers help shape that shelter for us, and we are thankful.

Love and thanks from both of us,
Carol, for Chuck too

Another Hallelujah Morning

It's pretty typical for me to wake up (usually briefly) several times each night--usually to shift my pillows straight again. Last night, every single time I woke up, lines from the resurrection section of "Messiah" were running through my mind: I know that my Redeemer lives. Now is Christ risen from the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. And so on. Music is a wonderful gift, and the assurance of resurrection is an even more wonderful gift.

Now that I'm up, of course, my mind travels to the work I want to accomplish today at the office. I'm so thankful to feel strong enough to work at least 4 hours each day. Feels good.

Thanks for your love and prayers.
Carol

God Answers Prayer

A women's prayer group in Nassau, Bahamas, prayed urgently yesterday about the recurring cough I'd mentioned in yesterday's blog. God answers prayer. From 9:00 pm last evening until I got up at 6 this morning, I never coughed at all. Thanks, friends!

Several weeks ago I wrote about the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn. I finished it last evening. Every few pages I'd read something so wonderful that I'd think, "Oh! I want to share that with someone." But I resisted making this blogspot a book review. Now that I've finished the book, may I just share one little bit (from page 441)?

Imagine someone takes you to a party. You see a few friends there, enjoy a couple of good conversations, a little laughter, and some decent appetizers. The party's all right, but you keep hoping it will get better. Give it another hour, and maybe it will. Suddenly, your friend says, "I need to take you home."

Now?

You're disappointed--nobody wants to leave a party early--but you leave, and your friend drops you off at your house. As you approach the door, you're feeling all alone and sorry for yourself. As you open the door and reach for the light switch, you sense someone's there. Your heart's in your throat. You flip on the light.

"Surprise!" Your house is full of smiling people, familiar faces.

It's a party--for you. You smell your favorites--barbecued ribs and pecan pie right out of the oven. The tables are full. It's a feast. You recognize the guests, people you haven't seen for a long time. Then, one by one, the people you most enjoyed at the other party show up at your house, grinning. This turns out to be the real party. You realize that if you'd stayed longer at the other party, as you'd wanted, you wouldn't be at the real party--you'd be away from it.

Christians faced with terminal illness or immanent death often feel they're leaving the party before it's over. They have to go home early. They're disappointed, thinking of all they'll miss when they leave. But the truth is, the real party is underway at home--precisely where they're going. They're not the ones missing the party; those of us left behind are. (Fortunately, if we know Jesus, we'll get there eventually.) END OF QUOTE

Now, that's something to think about, isn't it?

Love,
Carol

Refining

Eight beautiful hours of sleep last night. Thanks, Lord! Quite a bit more coughing yesterday--hope it doesn't indicate a problem.

Yesterday's Sunday School lesson was from Malachi 3:2, where God says He's like a refiner's fire and a launderer's bleach. Fire is hot and bleach is caustic--and both are painful. But when we trust His heart, we believe He's using the trouble for a good purpose: to remove from our character whatever doesn't look like Him. It occurs to me that at any point we can frustrate His good purposes and refuse to be refined. Dumb choice! We still get trouble (it is the normal human condition), but we miss the refining benefit if we turn away from God's heart. I surely don't want to do that.

You are wonderful encouragers. Thank you so much.

Love,
Carol

A Day for Worship

All my life I've gone to church--often out of duty, sometimes expecting to be bored or merely busy. After several weeks of not feeling well enough to go, or staying home out of fear of infection, today I feel high anticipation as I prepare to spend an hour this morning with friends who also love God, and to worshiping Him and learning more about His heart. I hope your morning will be the same.

In my devotional reading, this struck me:
I still believe that a day of understanding will come for each of us, however far away it may be. We will understand as we see the tragedies that today darken and dampen the presence of heaven for us take their proper place in God's great plan--a plan so overwhelming, magnificent, and joyful, we will laugh with wonder and delight. (from Arthur Bacon)

Now that's hope!

Love,
Carol

Laughing Out Loud

Yesterday we received in the mail a funny video that Karin had sent. So last evening Chuck and I sat side by side on the sofa to watch it. Halfway through I realized that for the first time in two years I was laughing out loud (real belly laughs) without paroxysms of coughing. Thank You, Lord! I laughed and laughed for the sheer joy of it.

"O ho," I thought, "maybe I can lie down to sleep too." Not! By 1:00 a.m., I was awake, gasping for air. So I rebuilt my sitting-up pillow support, and this morning I'm doing fine. It's ok. Given the choice, I'd rather laugh well than sleep prone. But both would be nice.

Please enjoy a good laugh today.

Love,
Carol

Laughing Out Loud

Yesterday we received in the mail a funny video that Karin had sent. So last evening Chuck and I sat side by side on the sofa to watch it. Halfway through I realized that for the first time in two years I was laughing out loud (real belly laughs) without paroxysms of coughing. Thank You, Lord! I laughed and laughed for the sheer joy of it.

"O ho," I thought, "maybe I can lie down to sleep too." Not! By 1:00 a.m., I was awake, gasping for air. So I rebuilt my sitting-up pillow support, and this morning I'm doing fine. It's ok. Given the choice, I'd rather laugh well than sleep prone. But both would be nice.

Please enjoy a good laugh today.

Love,
Carol

What if God Doesn't Answer?

I heard such a good story about a SIM missionary in Nigeria yesterday. May I share it with you?

Steve urgently needed to get back to the U.S. from Nigeria. A travel agent in the States booked a flight and emailed him that he could pick up his ticket at the airport for his 8:00 pm flight on Saturday. He arrived at the airport by 5:00 pm, only to find that the airline could not print the ticket at the airport and would not allow him on the plane without it. The office in town had closed 2 hours earlier. He pleaded with the manager, prayed and waited, but the flight left without him. The next flight was Tuesday, and Steve was on it, ticket in hand. He wondered at the purpose for the delay. His connecting flight was in Frankfurt, Germany, where he was seated next to an army reservist returning to the U.S. from service in Iraq. Steve's son is in the military, so they quickly struck up a conversation. Sensing that the young man's needs were deeper than simply needing a break from the war, Steve asked him if he was ready to face eternity. They discussed what the Bible says about salvation in Jesus Christ, and before the flight landed, the young man prayed for God to forgive him, receiving Jesus as his Savior. He told Steve, "For the first time in my life, I feel as if I am free." Turns out that the young man had also missed his planned flight earlier. "God's delays are not God's denials."

So we keep praying.

Thanks for praying for me. I continue to feel well, some days just a little more tired than others.

Love,
Carol

Through it all

Around 2 a.m. I had some wakeful minutes, and an old song kept ringing through my mind. (I remember singing it as a duet with my friend Dick, back in Kalamazoo, Michigan, almost 40 years ago.) It's not great poetry, but it's great truth. A few of the words: "I thank God for the mountains and I thank Him for the valleys. I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through. For if I'd never had a problem, I'd never know that He could solve them, I'd never know what faith in God could do. Through it all...I've learned to trust in Jesus. Through it all...I've learned to depend upon His Word."

I haven't said Hallelujah for awhile, but I do keep having Hallelujah days. I am so thankful. Tiny things come up almost every day, but they are tiny! I'm blessed beyond all expectations.

My afternoon at the office yesterday went well, and the writing/re-writing/editing of the SIM magazine is essentially done. (Let's hope my chemo brain hasn't overlooked something really important.) In more than 5 years as editor, I don't remember a time when things have gone more smoothly. Thanks for praying with me about this.

Bless you all!
Carol

Strong, Gentle Hands

"The hands that fashioned the universe are strong enough to heal you and gentle enough to hold you." A friend sent that good news yesterday. Isn't it wonderful?

Yesterday daughter Karin and I were brainstorming her current project to write a drama for 5th and 6th graders based on the Christian creed which begins "I believe in God the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth." It really matters what we believe. If we have no Creator, we're accidental blobs of protoplasm no more significant than a mosquito. But the truth is we were intentionally made in His image, and as the quote says, our Creator's hands are both strong and gentle. That's truth to live by today!

I've done my best with the articles for the next issue of the SIM magazine, and today I hope to spend some necessary time at the office making photo selections, sending articles by e-mail out to the various people involved for their final approval, etc. I didn't sleep so well last night, so I'll try to get a little rest later this morning before going in.

Again, thank you so much for your interest, love and prayers.

Love,
Carol

Strong, Gentle Hands

"The hands that fashioned the universe are strong enough to heal you and gentle enough to hold you." A friend sent that good news yesterday. Isn't it wonderful?

Yesterday daughter Karin and I were brainstorming her current project to write a drama for 5th and 6th graders based on the Christian creed which begins "I believe in God the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth." It really matters what we believe. If we have no Creator, we're accidental blobs of protoplasm no more significant than a mosquito. But the truth is we were intentionally made in His image, and as the quote says, our Creator's hands are both strong and gentle. That's truth to live by today!

I've done my best with the articles for the next issue of the SIM magazine, and today I hope to spend some necessary time at the office making photo selections, sending articles by e-mail out to the various people involved for their final approval, etc. I didn't sleep so well last night, so I'll try to get a little rest later this morning before going in.

Again, thank you so much for your interest, love and prayers.

Love,
Carol

Sunshine or Rain

I have to admit that living in North Carolina has spoiled me; I prefer sunshine. Also, living so many years with really good health spoiled me; I prefer health. Still, having cancer has brought so many blessings to my life, both human and divine, that I'm thankful. The other day I read a short rhyme by Henry Van Dyke: If all of life were sunshine/ Our face would long to gain/ And feel once more upon it/ The cooling splash of rain. So even as I pray to be healed, and even as I thank you for praying for that too, today I choose to find the gifts of grace that come because of this "rainy" season in my body. God is good!

I slept well in my propped up pillows again last night, and had energy yesterday to do a good amount of editing and re-writing work. So much to be thankful for. I'm thankful for you too!

Love,
Carol

Solutions

My genius husband solved the internet problem yesterday, and he also came up with a better way to arrange the pillows so I could sleep more comfortably in bed and still keep my upper body elevated to protect my lungs from more congestion. Two very good solutions in one day!

Lisa flew back to Washington DC yesterday morning. What a gift her visit was! The day turned out to be a tired day for me, so I slept all morning after returning from the airport. I felt okay, just tired. Now this morning I feel like it's going to be a great day, and I'm looking forrward to finalizing more articles for the next SIM magazine.

You've been so faithful to keep up with my journey here, but I realize there's not much news any more. I'll keep writing, but I won't be hurt if you check less frequently (I won't even know). Just let me give you the upcoming chemo dates: February 20, March 13, April 3 and April 24. That's all that's planned. Of course, a serious infection or major drop in blood numbers could interrupt the schedule. I'm more grateful than I can ever express for your faithful prayer support, and I know that beating this cancer will be a work of God. Thanks for being part of it.

Love,
Carol

Good Sunday Morning

Our internet access at home has failed. So we've run to the office just to let you know that all's well. So well, in fact, that I slept in bed last night--propped up on pillows, to be sure, but in bed. I need to figure out a better system for comfort. But that definitely indicates that the fluid is diminishing. Thanks so much for praying.

The internet problems also mean we haven't been able to answer e-mails for a couple of days. Hope we can fix this soon.

Have a great Sunday.

Love,
Carol

Doorway to heaven

I woke up this morning at the doorway to heaven--no, not about to die, but ready to pray. I guess through the night I'd been thinking about so many dear people who need Urgent Prayer Support:
John, just diagnosed with cancer
Sherri, enduring the effects of simultaneous chemo and radiation
Kirk, surgery to straighten a cerebral-palsied hand
Phil, worsening heart disease
David and thousands of others, deployed to the Persian Gulf
Jill, whose mom just died
Others, torn apart by family pain

You have your own list. We lift them up together. Lord, please touch them with Your peace, grace, comfort, strength and healing. Amen.

Thanks for praying for me. Slight headache this morning, but I think this will be another "Hallelujah" day.

Love,
Carol

Trust His Heart

Our Sunday School teacher sent a note asking us to study God's heart in preparation for next Sunday; we're to read Isaiah 43 and the first 8 verses of Isaiah 44, looking specifically for indications of what is in God's heart. I did it yesterday and liked it so much I plan to reread it today. Our teacher reminded us of the song by Cynthia Clausen which contains these words: "He sees the master plan. He holds the future in His hand. ...When you don't see His plan, when you don't understand, trust His heart." That gives good reason to study what God's heart is like, don't you think?

I was able to go to the office for a couple of hours yesterday. Today I plan to do some work on the magazine here at home. The issue I'm working on is all about cities and what SIM workers and our church partners are doing there. We're rapidly approaching the point where half of the people on earth will live in urban centers. Only God can meet the unspeakable needs of these masses of individuals, and it's our privilege to work alongside Him in His work. I'm humbled as I research the stories of sacrifice and hard work of workers ministering to people living with HIV/AIDS, children at risk, young people without hope, as well as urban professionals (most of whom are also without spiritual hope until someone brings them to Christ). There are some very innovative programs that are making a difference, and I love telling the stories.

I'm so grateful to you for checking on me and praying for me. I am learning from you what it means to stand with a friend in prayer, and if God gives me life, I intend to be a more faithful friend in the future, more consistent in prayer for those who need it.

With my love and thanks,
Carol

Whupped

Yesterday I felt "whupped" all day. I did get out for a walk, but otherwise fatigue ruled the day. Last time day 3 was the worst also, so maybe that will be the pattern. I think today will be better.

A card came yesterday with this wonderful message, quoting Roy Lessin: "God wants us to move through this day with a quiet heart, an inward assurance that He is in control, a peaceful certainty that our lives are in His hands, a deep trust in His plan and purposes, and a thankful disposition toward all that He allows." And this: "You are in His heart and your life is in His hands today." Great reminder!

For those who are interested in medical stuff, my tumor marker blood test was 8445 before surgery, about 4000 after surgery, and this week it's 2275. That's definitely in the right direction. I believe normal is under 35. (This is the CA 125 blood test I mentioned some time ago.)

I'm so grateful for all your love, messages and especially your prayers.

Love,
Carol

Feelin' Fine

Day 2 after chemo, and I'm feeling fine. I did take Tylenol PM last night, not wanting a repeat of the night before, and I slept over 9 hours. I am thankful to feel so well.

The doctor said on Monday that my right lung cavity is about 50% full of fluid, and the left is about a third full (that's the side that was drained last week). I'm sure the formation of fluid has slowed. Now we need to know when and if to have it drained again, or if it will finally absorb and leave by normal means.

I misunderstood about my cousin's son; he's not in Iraq, but somewhere in the Gulf. A good reminder, once again, to pray for everyone engaged in the struggle against terrorism.

We appreciate your prayers so much.

Love,
Carol, for Chuck too