Spring Comes Early

We've had some beautiful warm days--perfect for long walks. Every step, every breath, is a gift.

Heading out for kemo soon. As usual, we pray that it will search and destroy the cancer cells and be kind to the rest of my body.

I've pretty well wrapped up my preparations for the classes I'm going to teach in Milwaukee next week. The pioneers of the modern missionary movement, who are the assigned subject of this lesson, were mostly ordinary people. And they certainly didn't fit a mold; they were highly individualistic. But they shared a few important qualities: a passionate love for Jesus, total confidence in the Word of God, compassion, and determination to keep going despite unbelievable obstacles and trials. I can only imagine the impact on our world if more of us ordinary people would develop those same traits.

I'm thankful for you! Have a great day.

Love,
Carol

Trouble with Blogger

This morning Blogger tried to switch me to a new "address," but I knew there would be no way to notify you of the change, so we kept trying and trying and finally, the familiar template came up to allow me to post the daily blog below. I'm entering this one because my imagination tells me it could happen again without remedy. Then your imagination would tell you that I've gotten really sick since there would be no more blogs at the usual spot. I don't know who you are, so I can't let you know if Blogger forces a change. Here's the only solution I can think of: go to jeremyinafrica.blogspot.com, where we'll enter a short posting giving my new address. And promise you won't assume anything bad if in the meantime no new blogs show up. I'm feeling well; it's only "technical difficulties beyond our control." Kemo is tomorrow; I'll be grateful for your prayers.

Carol

The Power of Imagination

Imagination! I was reading an old devotional by Amy Carmichael, a missionary famed for rescuing children from temple prostitution in India in the last century. She quoted Isaiah 26:3 and made the point that the word we usually read as "mind" is really "imagination" in the Hebrew language of the psalmist. I did some research and found that she was right.

"You will keep in perfect peace the ones whose imagination is fixed on You."

Isn't it true that most of our un-peace happens as we imagine what lies ahead? When I'm using my imagination to project into the future, its pain or loss or confusion--that's when I don't have peace. I'm rarely troubled by the present moment. In fact, without exception, when real trouble has struck, I have experienced the "peace that is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand," as promised in Philippians 4:7. So it's only my imagination that has the power to remove peace--not circumstances but imagination. Our imagination is better invested in seeing God present and active in our lives, and remembering His goodness and power.

Now I have wonderful news: my "cancer buddy," the friend whose inoperable lung cancer was discovered a year ago, heard yesterday that his latest C-T scan shows no evidence of tumors in his lung and continuing shrinkage of the affected lymph node. Oh, there was celebrating here! He will receive two more chemo treatments, and then the doctor believes he'll be in remission. Thank You, Lord!

Good news of a different sort regarding the young father who was suffering in hospice in Chicago: he has gone to heaven. That's good for him, but his family and friends continue to need prayer as they grieve. A friend in Australia asked prayer for a similar situation. It is so hard to see young families devastated by death!

We appreciate your prayers so much. Every day of life and wellbeing is surely God's answer!

Love,
Carol

The Justice Project

The "Kids' Krew" for the Justice Project got together last evening (Thursday's meeting got cancelled), and we're making progress. Our first weekly activity with the kids will be Thursday, March 22. Meanwhile, the teams for home improvement, radical hospitality, community building, and several others whose names I forget are also getting started. Chuck and I are easily--by decades--the oldest people in the entire project. That's good. We admire the energy and commitment of the young professionals we'll we working with. If you're curious, you can find more information at justiceproject.typepad.com. The director promised to post notes from yesterday's meeting early this week. The name"Justice" comes from our DNA-defining passage, Isaiah 58. The director of the project, Lisa, also founded and directs the 24-7 prayer room in the same neighborhood. I've written about that before. Its website is charlotte24-7.com, and it's fascinating.

This morning I need to upload all the files for the next magazine to the designer's website for download. One important photo from Ethiopia still hasn't arrived, and I think SIM's email server is having problems. I'm sure we'll survive without this picture, but I'm praying that God will bring it through.

I'm very aware that being alive and feeling well this morning are not my "right," but are instead a miraculous gift from the Great Physician. Thank you so much for your care and prayers.

Isaiah 58:10-11
"Feed the hungry and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as day. The Lord will guide you continually, watering your life when you are dry and keeping you healthy, too. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring."

Blessings on your day,
Carol

Two True Stories

We saw the new movie, "Amazing Grace," yesterday. It's uplifting, sobering, and even funny in spots. Most of all, it's inspiring to see the courage and endurance of William Wilberforce, John Newton, and others in their fight against the slave trade. And disgusting to see how hard seemingly good people fought to preserve such an evil practice. I beg you to see it. Once you do, I think you'll wish you'd taken your children along. The English Parliament abolished the slave trade in 1807, 200 years ago, largely due to Wilberforce's brilliant efforts in Parliament. John Newton died that year. It wasn't until 1833 (the year Wilberforce died) that existing slavery was outlawed in the Commonwealth. To our shame, it took the U.S. 30 more years and a hellish war to do so.

The other true story is of my neighbor's physical examination last week. She told the doctor, "Please check my ovaries really carefully; my neighbor got ovarian cancer and by the time they discovered 15 months ago, it had gone to stage 4."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the doctor replied, "I suppose you miss her."

"No," said my neighbor, "she's actually doing pretty well. She even goes to work every day."

"Well, then," categorically, dogmatically said the doctor, "it wasn't stage 4. She'd be gone by now."

My neighbor told her it had been discovered in my lungs (therefore stage 4), and she told me later, "My doctor pretended to believe me, but I could tell she wasn't convinced."

I tell you that not because I love to keep talking about my cancer, but because it reminds us that there really is no natural explanation for my present well being. Whatever happens in the near or far future, always remember that by your prayers you were part of a daily miracle. Amazing grace!

I'm still puzzled. I don't understand why my life is extended, and a fantastic young father named Jeff is lying in hospice in Chicago with only days or hours left in his life. (Multiply that by thousands who will die today.) I know God is giving grace to him and his wife and beautiful teenage daughters and the church he served, but still I wonder...

Have a God-filled Sunday.

Love,
Carol

"Fungi"-Fighting Faith Builders

Here are the comments I've received with advice for beating the "fungi" that keep us from Fully Relying On God. (I did post an update earlier this morning, so scroll on down if you haven't seen it yet; it contains wonderful news from Jeremy in Niger.)

FIGHT FUNGUS BY BEING "SONSHINE"........I DON'T THINK FUNGUS'S LIKE SONSHINE....SO,THERE, FUNGUS!!! [I think this means walking in the Light.]

In all circumstances-only believe. That is-believe in God's love for us and His continual mercy toward us. We usually have our own preconceived notions about what God "will" do or what we "want" God to do in certain circumstances, but if we FROG, we can let those preconceived ideas go, and trust God with hearing and answering our prayers in ways that bless us and glorify Him.

I'd say, even when you don't understand, follow God and trust that he'll bring you through. Faith doesn't come in an instant...it gradually builds after every step you take toward God. Trust that God has the right plan. Keep in prayer so you know God's direction, and follow it, whether you like it or not.

And here is my contribution to the “pharmacy” against “fungi” that defeat faith: God’s Word, the Bible. I find it essential to feed my soul with it daily, in order to not forget how reliable God is. Our Sunday school teacher has trained us well to always read the Bible to discover more about God.

One more: hang around with positive people whose faith can encourage yours.

[It's pretty basic, isn't it? Read the Bible. Pray. Believe God. Obey God. Make time for fellowship with Christian friends.]

God Answered!

Yesterday morning a cough woke me up early, reminding me to pray for Jeremy's meeting with Ibrahim beginning at that hour in Niger. I know many others prayed throughout the day. And God answered. You might like to read Jeremy's account yourself, at jeremyinafrica.blogspot.com. (He has since added another posting; scroll on down.) We all know from our own life story that Christian growth happens slowly, with interruptions, so Ibrahim continues to need our prayers. Still, yesterday God drew near!

I'm feeling well and sleeping better. Last week I asked you to pray for four things for me. I'm drinking water more faithfully, still too hungry, added an extra loop to my daily walk, and today I have several hours available to catch up on housework. Thanks for praying.

Please lift up a prayer for our dear friend Carolyn. For weeks she has been enduring extreme back pain. Tests and scans have revealed three different problems, and at this point the doctors don't know which is most responsible for the pain and thus they don't know what to do first. Meanwhile, she suffers--a lot. Please pray. Thanks.

I promised to gather up all the comments about fungi and FROGging today, but I didn't do it yet. Guess I'll post this, and then add the other stuff later.

Have a great day.
Carol

The Fine Print

For those who didn’t check yesterday, the new CA 125 number is 115.28. That is a lovely drop of 70 points since a month ago. We passed this way once before, about a year ago, and got all the way down to 40.5 before the cancer broke through and started climbing again. We’re thankful that it’s dropping again, and especially thankful to feel well. Most of all, we’re thankful to know that God is in complete control of cancer and every other detail of our lives, and He is good—so all is well.

A friend forwarded a devotional by John Fischer. First Fischer quotes 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair,” etc.) He calls it the “fine print” of the Christian life; it’s what we signed up for. Then he explains…

“It’s a reverse spiritual principle that nonetheless is true: We get beaten down so that Christ might rise in us. It’s the whole idea God has of avoiding confusion. He doesn’t want people confusing human power and achievement with his power and what he is achieving in and through our lives. If all Christians were super-Christians, people would be impressed with them. As it is, God wants people to be surprised at us, not so much impressed – surprised that we can keep on believing, given what has happened to us.

“It’s important to know this so that the things that happen don’t throw us into a tailspin. Paul wrote in the passage above that troubles, confusions, knock-downs, and drag-outs are all to be expected in a life of faith, and they are not just something to suck it up and endure, they are what will actually release the power of God in our lives. We encounter death-like experiences so that Christ’s life-like nature may clearly be seen in us, despite what is happening.”

Okay, so we’re not begging for more trouble. But we should all settle deep into the conviction that the above paragraphs are true. If you know it ahead of time, then you can FROG even when “fungi” threaten your survival.

On Saturday, when I have a bit more time, I’ll gather together all the prescriptions (comments) people have submitted for defeating the fungi and protecting the FROGgin.

I woke up coughing (I'm not sick) at 4:00 this morning. Then I wanted to go back to sleep, until I remembered that Jeremy, in yesterday's blog, had urgently asked for prayer at precisely that hour. Thankful for the cough, I spent a little time praying for him and his friend Ibrahim, whom he was meeting at 10:00 in Niger (4:00 here) -- needing God's wisdom to help Ibrahim sort out some knotty issues in his life. They plan to be together all day, so there's still time to pray.

Have a great day.
Love,
Carol

Tears in my eyes

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, previewing a movie about William Carey. How much he and his family endured in order to follow God's call to India. I get to teach a couple of classes in Milwaukee in early March for the Perspectives course (a global movement of mission education), and my assigned lesson is about the pioneers of modern mission history. William Carey is, of course, one of them, and I think excerpts of movies will make the class more interesting. Hudson Taylor (pioneer to inland China) and Helen Roseveare (representing thousands of effective missionary women) are the other two for whom I have movies to show.

In a couple of days we'll gather the various comments about how to fight the FROG fungus and continue to Fully Rely On God. Watch this space. And add your own comments if you like. (The anti-fungus project was introduced in last Saturday's blog, 2/27.)

As for the CA 125, I think we all know that higher or lower numbers really don't change anything. At least not for today. But still, I appreciate that you care so much! So as soon as I get the report (in about four hours, I think), I'll post the number here. Thank you so much for continuing to pray. [News just in: the CA 125 is 115.28. (That's a beautiful drop of about 70.)]

Do you remember my excitement about joining the Justice Project to help make a difference in one of Charlotte's fragile neighborhoods? This afternoon is the first meeting of the Kids Krew, which is the ministry I felt drawn to. I'm still excited.

Love,
Carol

Stop Faith-Fighting Fungi

Thanks for all the feedback on last Saturday's posting, which was a take-off on the news about a global fungus threatening all frogs (true). I invited suggestions of "fungi" in our lives that threaten our FROGging (Fully Relying On God). The comment section is still open, but here are the ones posted so far:

Busyness, "stuff"

Getting entangled with the "demands" of this world

Disappointment--in God not providing what we thought we "needed"

Disappointment--in ourselves for constantly failing our expectations to FROG

Not allowing the grace of God to take over and thinking we can never be forgiven (from Jake, Jeremy's good friend)

Lack of faith (I don't really believe God can or will act in a particular situation)

They all ring true. I think Jake got us started on the path to the "antibiotic" for these fungi: the grace of God. Where in all the universe is a god like our God--overflowing with mercy and grace to more than overcome every sin and failure in us!

Do you have suggestions for habits we can nurture to "keep ourselves in the grace of God" and be more consistent at FROGging? It's not that God will zap us if we fail here, but it really does make Him happy when we fully rely on Him, and I don't need to mention how much better off we are when we do. Scroll down to "comments," click on it, and add your "prescription."

Then, if you wish, scroll a bit further to the photo I posted last evening; it could be titled "Myrtle Beach February Bikini."

We're committed to trusting God for the outcome of this morning's CA 125 test. I'm feeling rested and ready for a day at work.

Blessings,
Carol

Low Tide at Myrtle Beach

You can see we needed to bundle up. That's my beloved brother Phil in green and his beloved wife Nancy in red. What a wonderful, loving gift these days were for us. Restful, fun, restorative.

Heading Home

Our time at Myrtle Beach is nearly over, but what a wonderful, restful time it has been. I’m so grateful to Phil and Nancy for luring us here! Nancy is on her sixth trip through the one-year chronological Bible. I’m on my first. We’ve had some fun conversations.

Last evening we played a marathon game of Phase Ten. This morning the wind was down and the temperature up so we enjoyed a longer beach walk. And by this evening we’ll be back in Charlotte. My CA 125 blood test is Wednesday morning, and from the lab I’ll head to the office for a good day’s work.

I’m so thankful to you for your prayers, and to God for His goodness.

Love,
Carol

Need

I was wakeful in the night (a trend?), and found myself pouting, “Please, God, I need sleep!” Instantly, truth came flooding in. I would like sleep, but what I need—all I need—is God. It’s so easy to get hung up on self. I guess that would be another fungus (as introduced on Saturday) that threatens FROGging. I did get a reasonable amount of sleep anyway, but I especially appreciate the reminder that God is the really important One.

He led us to a fine worship service yesterday morning, and gave us a beautiful day. This morning is the most beautiful yet, but it’s only 22 degrees F outside, so we’ll be enjoying it with our eyes for the first part of the day. Yesterday we finally went for a walk in the mall because the beach was too windy. We also ate a fabulous seafood dinner at The Calabash. (The dinner and the walk are essentially related, one necessitating the other.)

Last evening we laughed our way through at least two hours of the comedy of the late Victor Borge. The best thing going is the loving conversation among us.

Have a great day.

Carol

My Father's World

It’s a gorgeous sunny Sunday morning at Myrtle Beach. We’re about to leave for church. It’s so sweet to spend these days with my brother and his wife. We did walk briefly on the beach yesterday, but with winds over 30 mph, we didn’t last long. Today looks much more promising. Last evening we enjoyed a beautiful evening at “Carolina Opry”—a beautifully orchestrated variety show.

In the night I was thinking about the song, “This is my Father’s world.” That’s very comforting. One stanza says, “O, let me ne’er forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the Ruler yet. This is my Father’s world, the battle is not done. Jesus Who died shall be satisfied, and earth and heaven be one.”

We’ve been out of touch, so have no further updates on our friends who face struggles. Of course, we continue to pray for them. I’m still dealing with tiredness, but no pain. Thanks for your prayers.

Love,
Carol

Amphibian Ark

Yesterday’s paper reported that a global fungus is threatening total extinction of all frogs. This is not a joke. A network called the Amphibian Ark is mobilizing zoos everywhere to provide safe shelter for all known species of frogs to keep them alive while a solution can be found for the fungus. Just think how we’d suffer from insects if the frogs went the way of the dinosaurs! So it got me thinking about our motto, FROG, Fully Rely On God—and the fungi that threaten FROGging. This, too, is not a joke. I thought of a few:
Self-reliance (I can figure this out by myself.)
Bitterness (God “let me down” in the past; why would I rely on Him now?)
Carelessness (letting my mind slip into anxious patterns)
Poor spiritual nutrition (neglecting God’s words)

Let’s get a conversation going. I’m sure you can come up with some “fungi” that block full reliance on God. Scroll on down to the bottom of this posting to “Comments,” click on that word, and add your thoughts. You may sign in as Anonymous if you prefer. After a few days I’ll collect everyone’s suggestions and create an “Amphibian Ark” for faith.

Sorry to be so late today. We’re at Myrtle Beach with my brother Phil and his wife Nancy, and we have to drive to a place where we can get online. We plan to go to church Sunday morning, so if I post at all it’ll be late again. It’s so beautiful here, with a view of the ocean beach right out our window. The sun is shining, and it’ll be a good day for walking the beach (bundled up, of course). The best thing is being with family.

Have a great weekend.
Carol

Three Prayer Requests--No, Four

I need prayer for some practical help.
1. I need to drink more water. I get busy, and I forget.
2. I need to exercise more regularly. I get busy, and I forget, or else it's too cold to walk outdoors. (I belong to the "Y" which is by my office; no excuses!) I just got a wonderful book from the American Cancer Society which says once a cancer patient finishes treatment, she needs to pursue a program of physical fitness. After 14 months of kemo, no "finish" is in sight, so I need to do it anyway.
3. I need to eat less, as I'm gaining weight. That same book says constant hunger is common with my kind of cancer, and it's certainly true of me. Pray for self control.
4. By evening, I'm too tired for housework, and it's showing. I need better time management.

Yesterday was great. First, I enjoyed being with other SIMers and the Bluffton, Ohio, folks at the morning prayer chapel. Then kemo went smoothly, and I realized again how very much I love those nurses! (They get so excited when the bloodwork comes back okay.) Kemo ended in time to get to my surgeon for the regular 3-month check-up, at which Dr. Hall said everything looks good and the current protocol (Taxol) is exactly right at this point. He said I appear to be among the group for whom cancer becomes a chronic rather than acute disease, kept under control by chemo. He’s a Christian believer, and would be among the first to celebrate divine healing, if God chooses to do that. Meanwhile, I’m so grateful for his expertise and encouragement.

Today’s devotional by Joni Eareckson Tada is based on the archaic English of the King James Bible: “Wash me throughly from mine iniquity.” Like her, my computer just automatically corrected “throughly” to “thoroughly,” and I had to go back and insist on the old English. It’s the language of Shakespeare and Queen Elizabeth, and means “through and through.” Oh, yes! That’s the extent of cleansing I need and want. Not just a surface dust-off that makes things bearable for the moment or the day. The same thought occurs in modern English in 1 Thessalonians 5:23: “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” I believe God wants me to be paying attention these days to the things He wants to clean up in my life.

We love to speak of “traveling mercies,” and we quote Lamentations 3:23 about “mercies…new every morning.” But mercy isn’t necessarily the same as evading a drunk driver on the highway, or a plane running on time, or a rest area when needed, or bluebirds in the morning, or strength to get out of bed. Mercy is a judicial term--canceling a debt or foregoing punishment. We need mercy when something isn’t right inside us or in our behavior. First I accept the revelation of the problem, then I appreciate God’s ever-flowing mercy and ask Him to “wash me throughly—through and through.”

During the summer, our garden is graced by a couple of turtle sculptures that absorb solar energy in the day and illuminate the night. They spend the winter on our bathroom window sill. Yesterday Chuck solar-charged them, and they brightened my night-time trips to the bathroom. Sweet! I'm up way too early, trying to get sleepy enough for another hour or two of good rest.

Grandson Jeremy returned to the city for a few days, so he put up a new posting on jeremyinafrica.blogspot.com. I believe he's already left this morning for a long weekend in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.
Wah-guh-doo-goo. Ouagadougou. Don't you love that name?

Blessings,
Carol

Locating

I read yesterday that our experiences have the ability to locate us. Huh? I read on to discover that the author meant that the tests and difficulties that come at us suddenly--out of nowhere--reveal our location, that is, where we are spiritually. So someone treats me rudely, or the car breaks down, or the doctor says I have cancer. Whatever the severity of the episode, if it brings on a reaction of resentment or worry or anger or all-out panic, it has also given me a valuable piece of information: where I am! Since reality is the prerequisite for repentance and renewal, trials that locate us can actually turn out to be our friends. In fact, JB Phillips paraphrased a Bible verse like this: "Don't resent them [trials] as intruders, but welcome them as friends." This works, I think, for people who deep down want to be located in the light, near God's heart, Fully Relying On God. When our reactions to negative stuff show us that we actually aren't where we want to be, we can ask God's forgiveness and by His grace move in close again.

Our Nassau friend received the verdict: inoperable lung cancer. I feel pain down the core of my soul merely typing those words. Here's what he wrote: "My treatment will be radiation, chemo-therapy, and God holding my hand." Would you please lift up a prayer for Bob and his family? Thanks.

I'm feeling well this morning, and ready for another kemo. First I'll go to morning prayers at the SIM USA chapel, where I'm looking forward to seeing the dear folks from Ebenezer Church in Bluffton, Ohio, who are working here this week. They are hard-working, caring, committed to Christ's kingdom, and totally remarkable in their authenticity. Chuck and I are dreaming of worshiping with them in their church some day.

My brother Phil and his wife have rented a condo on the beach about 3 1/2 hours from here. Sometime Friday we'll join them there for a wonderful long weekend of loving togetherness. No, it's not warm enough yet for sun-bathing (which we wouldn't do anyway), but it'll be a warm time nevertheless.

Love,
Carol

Ancient Words

At times in my life, I admit, I have been very casual about the words from God in the Bible, reading them--if I had time--more from habit or duty than from hunger. But now they have become so precious to me, essential for survival. I woke up this morning thinking about one of the songs we sang at the conference in Chicago, titled "Ancient Words," by Lynn DeShazo. I'll pass it along here, and then I'll scoot to my wing-back chair where my Bible is waiting for me.

Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world
They resound with God's own heart
Let the ancient words impart

Words of life, words of hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world where'er we roam
Ancient words will guide us home

Ancient words ever true
Changing me, changing you
We have come with open hearts--
The faithful words of Christ

What a miracle is this Book!

What I said yesterday about finally feeling rested was true; I felt good all day, and again this morning. I look forward to a productive day at the office. Final corrections are coming in from around the SIM world for the magazine I'm working on. By the end of next week, it needs to be word-perfect and picture-perfect and ready for the designer. Well, perfect is a relative term, isn't it?

Love,
Carol

Amazed

Every year several devoted Christian men and women from an Ohio church donate a week to SIM, helping in dozens of ways. Some of the women spend the week in the kitchen and leave the freezers almost overflowing. This is their week here. Yesterday one of the men said to Chuck, "I've prayed every day for you and your wife since we learned of her cancer last year." We are amazed...unworthy...humbled...and so grateful. What a gift! How can we ever adequately thank our unselfish prayer supporters?

After another 7 pm bedtime, I feel quite rested this morning.

Yesterday I was captivated by five never-fail principles in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14. I'd like to make them active in my life today:
1. Be on guard.
2. Stand true to what you believe.
3. Be courageous.
4. Be strong.
5. And everything you do must be done with love.

Wouldn't that be a great outline for a five chapter book? I'm thinking how good it is that God, through author Paul, included #5. Otherwise, there are lots of unloving ways to apply numbers 1 through 4!

Our friend Carolyn is enduring unspeakable back pain. Scans have revealed three separate and equally serious causes. We pray for quick (if temporary) relief and for the doctor to find a long-term solution.

Blessings for your day,
Carol

Purpose

Despite extremely early bedtimes the past two nights, I woke up feeling "wasted" both yesterday and today. So I wonder why. Is the cancer beating me up again? Has the kemo destroyed something essential? Then I reflect on yesterday's Sunday school lesson, which was about Queen Esther. Our teacher made the point that in the ordinary events of life--some unremarkable and some terrifying--God is working His purpose out. So I'm remembering to Fully Rely On God, whether this unusual fatigue is merely ordinary or signals the start of a new battle. And that reminds me of a stirring hymn we sing sometimes at our office:

God is working His purpose out, as year succeeds to year;
God is working His purpose out, and the time is drawing near:
Nearer and nearer draws the time, the time that shall surely be,
When the earth shall be filled with the glory of God,
As the waters fill the sea.

Today our friend Mary is being surgically prepped for dialysis; we pray all will go well and that soon she'll get a donor kidney. (I'm embarrassed to complain about a little fatigue!)

Have a great day.
Carol

A New Song

For decades, the school song of the Moody Bible Institute has been a snappy little tune called "The Christian Fellowship Song." Last year the school commissioned a new hymn text by Timothy Dudley-Smith, one of today's best hymn-poets. Then a contest was opened for Moody alumni to provide the tune. While we were in Chicago, we got to sing the new Moody hymn. It is splendid--worthy of the high calling of the school. The winning composer is David McCallister, who lives right here in Fort Mill, SC. Moody holds the copyright. I'll share one of the stanzas here:

Be ours to use aright the gifts of thought and mind,
In Scripture take delight, and God's approval find:
Till through the Spirit and the Word
There stands revealed the living Lord.

Wouldn't that be a great goal for every day?

I was awake for awhile early this morning, and I think it was to give me time to pray for "Abraham," grandson Jeremy's friend in Niger. I spoke yesterday with Jeremy, and learned that Abraham seems to be in some sort of spiritual trouble. He had declared his intention some weeks ago to follow Jesus. He's been studying the Bible with Jeremy, and for awhile it seemed his life was showing improvement. But now, Jeremy says, he disappears for a couple of hours at a time and comes back with glazed eyes and strange behavior. A friend who retired recently after a lifetime in Africa told me it's not unusual for families in that religious system to place curses on someone who wants to follow Jesus. I realize there's nothing in our frame of reference to help us comprehend something like this. But could I beg you, anyway, to hit your knees on behalf of Abraham?

The day-after-kemo flush is gone, and I'm looking forward to a good Sunday. Friends will join us for church and lunch. I hope your Sunday is wonderful.

Love,
Carol

Good Spirits

Kemo went well yesterday and I was able to rest all afternoon. Chuck, who sweetly sits by my side doing Soduko puzzles throughout the infusions, said that whenever I dozed off he could hear me humming. Well! I didn't know it, and I hope I didn't bother my neighbors. This morning my face carries the customary second-day flush, but otherwise I feel well.

Our friend with failing kidneys must get prepped for dialysis early next week. We had hoped for a transplant before that had to happen. Still praying for her.

Here's a prayer for today:
"Keep me in good spirits, Lord: vigorous and curious and humorous;
ready always with laughter, with passion, and with tears;
prompt to see the seriousness of light matters,
the lightness of serious ones,
and myself as the least serious matter of all." (TD Stewart)

A Matter of Heart

Home again! We drove up the driveway last evening with words of thanks to the Lord for safety through so many miles and such bitterly cold weather. It's cold here too, but not like Chicago.

As we traveled yesterday I caught up on my reading through the one-year Bible. In Exodus 16:28, I read a question God asked that tore at my heart: "How long will these people refuse to obey my commands and instructions?" He wasn't asking for information; He already knew every act of rebellion and mistrust that would continue right up until today. Instead, God's question was an emotional outburst. He had lovingly given the Israelites a miraculous escape from Egypt only a month before, and already they were living as though He didn't exist--or didn't care about them. It's a matter of heart. God's heart longed for the people's hearts to be His. He still does, winning our love by endless acts of care and deliverance. CS Lewis said, "Duty is only a substitute for love." That's my "heart thought" for Valentine's Day next week.

Our dear friend Becky, who directed our mission's work in Sudan until her retirement, had knee replacement surgery on Monday. On Wednesday a C-T scan revealed "many" blood clots in her lungs. We're praying that God will keep them immobile until He dissolves them (she's on a couple of medications for that, of course). While in Chicago Dick, who has remained a close friend all these 50 years, told us that his PSA (prostate cancer marker) has begun to inch upward again. God, please zap whatever is developing.

I do not ever want to be presumptuous about God's kindness to me, or mindless of your loving prayers for me. When I wake up on kemo morning with no hint of dread and full expectation of continuing to feel well, it's with a deep sense of gratitude, unworthiness, and FROGgin' (Fully Relying On God). By the way, back in Chicago, the view out of our hotel window was of the huge frog that sprawls atop every "Rain Forest Cafe." Sweet reminder!

Blessings,
Carol

Heading out early

We are now at Karin's house in Indiana, heading for an early bedtime and an early take-off Thursday morning. We got here in time to see a girls' basketball championship for which grand-daughter Calli cheered. Naturally, we thought she was the best on the cheer team; it was so much fun to watch them.

The cold weather continues; feels like 0 degrees F. this evening again.

Today we heard reminders of the amazing life and ministry of DL Moody, founder of Moody Bible Institute. A poor son of a poor widow, his education ended at about the 3rd grade. Yet he was so committed to Jesus that he won thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of people to faith, and he founded three educational institutions and a publishing house. A unique quality of Moody Bible Institute is that right up until today, donors provide tuition-paid education, so that one's personal economic status need not interfere with one's training for Christian ministry. That fact alone was surely a factor in four of the five kids in my family being able to attend that school. (The fifth kid had a full scholarship at university.)

Since we need to get off early, this will serve as Thursday's posting.

Our Nassau friend was scheduled for additional biopsies today. We're thankful that the biopsies he had last week showed no cancer of the lymph nodes. We don't have results of today's tests, but we keep praying.

Love,
Carol

Legacies of Grace

Ian Leitch, the first speaker yesterday morning, said "Grace is a favor rendered by one who need not do so." That's exactly right. When I say every day is a gift of grace, and every step and every breath, it's all from God and he "need not do so."

For weeks I've joked about walking on stage during this reunion with all those "old people." Guess what! I wilted yesterday afternoon after all the hugs and interactions, and we returned to our cozy hotel room; I was in bed by 7:30 so didn't even attend the session when the 50th celebrants were scheduled to "parade." I feel great again this morning, and we'll enjoy the morning sessions before heading back to Indiana, traveling tomorrow to Charlotte for kemo on Friday.

We set a record. Of 244 in our graduating class, 203 are still alive and 101 came to the Monday dinner, and I saw at least 2 more who showed up Tuesday. A classmate was relentless in phoning, sometimes 2, 3, even 4 times, to persuade the "too busy" friends to get here. One is Raymond Joseph, the ambassador from Haiti to the United States. He was remarkable 50 years ago and is even more so now. For many years he sent radio broadcasts from New York back to Haiti encouraging revolution against the infamous Papa Doc Duvalier--for which he received the death sentence in absentia. He said that for years he kept a few steps ahead of the dictator. Now he's been placed in this very influential position, where he continues to live for the glory of God. Most of the rest of us were more ordinary, but everyone has a story of grace.

One guy was quite long-winded in recounting his 50 years of accomplishments. Of course I didn't say anything, and I hope my face didn't reflect my feelings. But when I got back to the room, I was still thinking critical thoughts. Then two words popped into my mind: "Be kind." I didn't realize how often my word-for-the-year, Kindness, would challenge me.

We're praying for our Nassau friend, who endured several consultations yesterday regarding his lung condition (he didn't want to use the word cancer until they heard the biopsy report yesterday). I hope by tomorrow I can provide an update and plan for his treatment.

I have to say that the best gift this week was visiting with my brother Dave and his wife Carol. Everything else was wonderful too.

Blessings,
Carol

Legacies of Grace

The theme of this Founder's Week Conference is "Legacies of Grace." It's a good topic, since every day is filled with so much grace.

We found classmates in the hotel lobby as we arrived, and all the rest of the day we enjoyed lots of hugging and catching up. The very best was spending time with my brother and his wife; they'll also be with us today. I also went to see Miss Needham, my English teacher from 53 years ago, to whom I owe everything I know about grammar and the mechanics of writing. She's in her late 90s and finds it hard to see, hear, and get around, but her mind is sharp as ever. I try to stop in at her apartment whenever we're in Chicago.

More than a hundred of my fellow 50-year celebrants are here, out of a class of 241. Forty have already died.

I'm now reading in Exodus. Two things (among many) make me marvel. One, how stubborn and foolish Pharoah was; his people got smart long before he did, and they begged him to obey God and let the Israelites go free before anything else happened. They knew God would win, but Pharoah couldn't see it. Two, how important it was to God that all the Egyptians should know that "I am the Lord." He said it over and over. It strikes me that He is still looking for people who will acknowledge that basic fact of life: He is the Lord.

We skipped the ice cream party for our class after the evening session. I was still feeling okay, but I knew it was time for bed. I feel well again this morning. Moody provides a huge fleet of school buses to take us wherever we need to go, which minimizes our time in the frigid air. Chuck is breathing okay and being very careful.

Love,
Carol

Pilgrim

Pilgrim and Christian were traveling to the Celestial City in John Bunyan's best-seller Pilgrim's Progress. I haven't read that book for years (now I must), but I got to thinking about the pilgrimage yesterday. At one point, the way ahead appeared blocked by two raging lions, one one each side of the path. The men were terrorized, certain they'd be shredded if they moved forward. Then they discovered that both lions were on strong chains which prevented them from reaching the middle of the path. Though they reared and lunged and roared and bared their teeth, the pilgrims stayed safe, walking between them straight ahead. So many "lions" seem to threaten our pilgrimage--not only life-threatening disease, but also a bunch of other terrors that keep us staring at the ceiling at night. How good to have a strong God who keeps the "lions" on sturdy chains that are short enough to keep us from being devoured. As long as we keep our eyes on him and stay on the Faith path.

It's so cold here in Indiana that schools are closed today. We plan to leave mid-morning for Chicago, where we can shiver in earnest with many dear friends. My brother Dave and his wife Carol plan to join us at the Moody Bible Institute reunions, which will make it all the sweeter.

Speaking of sweet, we loved watching the two best American football teams of the year, the Bears and the Colts, in the Super Bowl last night. We admire both coaches so much that we couldn't help cheering both teams.

God continues to bless me with well-being and enough energy for each day's needs. He is so kind to me. Chuck's lungs are very vulnerable to this bitter cold weather, so I'd be very grateful for your prayers for him Monday through Wednesday while we're in Chicago.

Thank you.

Love,
Carol

Winter!

We had a safe and pleasant trip, despite very high winds in Ohio. There's snow on the ground here in Indiana, and it's gorgeous. Brry cold.

Sue and Jeff, Justin and Laura have joined us from Michigan. Oh, what treasures family are!

Thanks for your prayers. I'm feeling well. Sue is fighting a nasty virus, with a sore throat and tiredness. I'm praying she'll recover soon, and Chuck won't catch it. Well, none of us will, for that matter.

Have a blessed Sunday.

Love,
Carol

Release

By 5:00 this morning we plan to be on our way to Indiana. We went to bed early last night, but I lay awake, my mind churning. I'd been reminded of an offense someone had done to me many years ago, and I kept rehearsing it from every angle. I was desperate to get some sleep. What to do?
Forgive, came the answer.
Forgive? But they never said, "I'm sorry."
That's their problem. You forgive.
Suddenly, it made perfect sense. The only way that offense could continue to hurt me was if I refused to let go of it. So I forgave, releasing all my rights to any apology or revenge. Peace swept in, and I slept.
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, in Christ, has forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).

We're looking forward to a birthday dinner this evening for three family members. Two of the birthdays are past and one is future, and we'll celebrate them all together. On Monday morning we'll go to Chicago (only a couple of hours further) for my 50th graduation reunion at Moody Bible Institute. (By now, many of my friends have become Chuck's as well, so he's also looking forward to this.) We'll benefit from the wonderful Bible teaching of Founder's Week Conference Monday evening through Wednesday morning. We plan to return to Indiana Wednesday afternoon, drive home on Thursday, and be here for my next kemo on Friday.

I'll update this blog whenever I get a chance.

I'm grateful that you're still paying attention to our journey through cancer. Thank you so much for your care and prayers.

Love,
Carol

Work of Art

We had a snow day yesterday—offices and schools closed. All because of about an inch of snow. I stayed home and puttered around with domestic tasks, and loved it. Listened non-stop to CDs, both music and messages. Jeremy had left a CD with two messages on intimacy with God by Francis Chan, his favorite speaker. I finally got around to hearing it, and it’s a keeper.

One of the songs I heard was “Work of Art” sung by Shannon Wexelberg. It beautifully expresses my prayer, so I’ll quote it here.

You are the Potter and I am the clay
You are the Artist and I am the paint
You are the Writer and I am your song
I will be your instrument my whole life long.

Mold me and change me
Color me in shades of You, in shades of You
Play me, Sing through me a melody
So when they look at me they will see who You are

You are my Father and I am your child
An empty vessel and You are the fire
All that You are, Lord, is all I desire
Master, Creator, take my life.

Mold me and change me, color me
In shades of You, in shades of You,
Play me, sing through me, a melody
So when they look at me,
They will only see Who you are.

Create in me Your work of art.

Yesterday I felt well, though I wore all day the usual “day-after-kemo blush.” I think it’s gone today. The weather warnings were severe for this morning, but although it’s raining it doesn’t look icy. We’ll see if the offices open today; I hope they will.

I got an email from a friend saying that she always prays for the friends in crisis that I mention here. What a comfort that is!

Love,
Carol

P.S. Maybe it’s time for another blonde joke. If you hate them, stop reading now.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess asked him to tell how he detects a mental deficiency in someone who appears to be completely normal. “Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask a simple question which anyone should answer easily.”
“What sort of question?” she asked.
“Well, you might ask, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’”
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”

(I should explain that I have nothing against blondes. When my hair fell out, I started wearing blonde wigs and friends started sending me blonde jokes. Laughter is healing, so that’s my excuse.)

Kindness

First, I want to mention the kindness of God. Again. Kemo went well yesterday. Blood count lab work indicates that I'm in good shape. The two that I understand, hemoglobin (red cells for energy) and white cells (infection resistance) are still in normal range. That's totally amazing after 21 infusions of all these toxins! One of the kemo nurses had time to be chatty, and she expressed wonder that I'm doing so well. She said that kemo makes everyone tired. Some can't get moving in the morning, others collapse after lunch, and the lucky ones (like me) simply fade early in the evening. I do feel I got the best end of that deal. It seems that the numbness (neuropathy) in my feet is getting a bit worse. There's not much they can do for that. It doesn't hurt, only makes me feel clumsy. (By the way, for new readers, I should explain that several months ago my grandchildren sent note in which they spelled chemo "kemo." I thought it was cute, and actually defused some of the threatening connotations of chemo, so I've switched to that spelling.

My "cancer buddy" went home from the hospital yesterday, MRI and other tests having indicated no stroke or heart problems. He still has the lung cancer with lymph involvement to deal with, of course. They're blaming his episode on extreme vertigo. Our Nassau friend and his wife are flying home today to encourage their daughter. They'll be back in Florida for their appointment with the surgeon on February 6, after the Super Bowl crowds have left.

I chose "Kindness" as my word for 2007, desiring to put the word into daily practice. I'm learning that kindness doesn't stand by itself. Prerequisites include compassion, empathy, unselfishness, generosity, forgiveness, and an open heart to hear the voice of God and to hear beyond the words people are saying. It's also essential to have margins of time in one's schedule, lest kind impulses get pushed away by busyness. Nevertheless, it's a worthy pursuit. God's Word says, "Be kind to one another." I just looked that up in the Message paraphrase (Ephesians 4:31) and it says, "Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you."

I've finished reading Job, but I'm not done thinking about it.

Maybe I'll climb back in bed for awhile.

Love,
Carol